It Would Be A Wonderful Life
by Little.Old.Lady007
Summary: Just because it's the Christmas season. Richard Castle was rich and successful, the president of a hot shot publishing company. He wakes up one morning with a wife and kids, in a life that can't possibly be his.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N I know I haven't updated my other story, but I wanted to do a Christmas themed one during the holidays, I will continue the other one after the holidays, I promise. **

**I couldn't find a story with this storyline. Unbelievable, I know! ****About half the Christmas movies I've watched recently have variations of this synopsis, which is why I thought it would be fun to do a Castle variation of it!**

**Hope you enjoy!**

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The office was eerily quiet, when Richard Castle lifted his head up from the computer screen he had been staring at for the past two hours. It was always in the early hours of the morning or the late hours of the evening that he got the most work done. When there was no one there to barge in, asking him to fix everyone and anyone's mistakes, when there were no endless meetings and telephone calls. This specific evening, it wasn't particularly late, or early, but he was alone, alone in the office on Christmas Eve.

He sighed, content, bringing his hands together at the back of his head, leaning in his ten thousand dollar chair. He was doing well. He was doing great and he'd be once again, a couple of millions dollars richer by next month. He smiled, nodding and closed his eyes. He really was living the life.

He opened his eyes when his ringtone echoed through the empty offices, and checked the time quickly.

_Right on time._

"Hi, mother," he said, answering the phone.

"Merry Christmas, honey!" the woman on the other end exclaimed.

"Merry Christmas to you too."

"You're not still at the office now are you?"

"I was just leaving," he answered as he powered down his computer, unplugged the laptop from it, and secured it into his briefcase. It wouldn't be a lie. He could continue his work at home. He was leaving the office, it wouldn't be a lie.

"Richard, you work way too much,"

"Mom, I do what I have to do," he added exasperated, putting his coat on and closing the lights as he exited his office.

"What you have to do, or what you want to do? There's a difference you know."

He sighed, "Mother…."

"You could still come over, tonight. There's lots of food left. And eggnog. I made the punch you like. Everyone would be very happy to see you."

"I can't, mother. I'll see you guys some other time. I have to go now."

"Wait!"

"What?" he sighed, entering the elevator and pressing the button to the first floor.

"Your sister wants to talk with you," the woman said.

"Pass her over, then," he said without enthusiasm.

"Merry Christmas, big brother!" the young woman exclaimed.

"You too, Alexis."

A couple of seconds passed and neither of them spoke, though he could hear the party in the background on his sister's end.

"Was there anything else?" he asked as if something very urgent was waiting on him.

"Mom's really bummed out, she really wanted you to come this year. She told everyone you'd be there," she whispered.

"What do you want me to say, sis, I have to work. She likes that I can get her nice things, that I pay the rent on her fancy apartment. I have to work for these things!"

"She'd be just as happy without all these expensive things Ricky and just having you there."

"Whatever you say."

There was another silence on both ends of the line.

"Anyway, I have to go. Tell mom I love her, and say hi to Pi for me," he blurred out.

"I broke up with Pi a year and a half ago," Alexis added before hanging up.

He sighed, putting his cellphone back in his pocket and he pushed the glass door of the sky rise building, stepping outside. He grunted at the snow falling. He used to love the snow as a kid, it somehow meant Christmas and family. The snow gave the city a sense of magic, of wonderland. Now he despised it, hated the fact that his shoes became wet, and his hair, hated that it meant cold temperature and hated most of all that there always seemed to be an idiot that didn't know how to drive in it, causing more traffic than usual.

His car was parked just across the corner, but when he saw that the Starbucks across the street was still open, he decided it would be a good idea to stop by. He could use the coffee, maybe it could give him a couple more hours of energy before he'd need to sleep. Maybe it would help him finish his financial report before going to bed. There wasn't a lot of people inside and he ordered his espresso to the sad looking barista with an elf hat without having to wait in line, and received it only moments later.

Bringing the beverage to his lips he turned around and collided with someone, spilling the hot coffee all over his coat. Angrily, he exclaimed, "Shit! What the-"

"I'm so sorry, sir. I'm a little clumsy, I haven't slept in 24 hours," the woman apologised. "Please, let me repay you for the dry cleaning," she added with a smile.

Ricks switched gears, his features softened, and he smiled. The woman in front of him was breathtaking, and usually, they get pretty desperate around the holidays, "Don't worry about it."

"Let me at least buy you another coffee," she said bringing her hand together.

He nodded, "Okay." He gave her a seductive smile before adding, "I'm Rick."

"Kate," she said uneasily, before placing her order to the kid in the elf hat, giving Rick a quick look, eyebrows furrowed.

"Two lonely souls on Christmas Eve," he added getting closer to her.

She nodded silently.

"Maybe we could keep each other company, each other warm," he said placing his hand on her shoulder and squeezing it.

She took his hand and removed it from her shoulder, "I have plans. Plus, you're not my type."

"What rich and handsome?"

"No womanizer and full of himself," she answered before grabbing her drink and handing him his, "Merry Christmas," she added before walking away.

_Well that was a bust. Work it is then._

He stepped back outside and started walking to the parking lot where his car was. A man dressed up as Santa was on the corner, enthusiastically ringing a bell, collecting donations. He hated beggars. Hated them.

"Make a donation. Make a wish, sir," Santa said as Rick passed beside him.

Maybe Christmas was getting to his head, and maybe he'd watched the Scrooge Movie with his sister too many times growing up, but he decided that, in the spirit of the holidays, he could spare a couple of bucks. It was for charity.

He pulled his wallet from his pocket, the smallest bill he had was a ten, it would have to do. He put it in the bucket without as much as making eye contact with the man.

"Did you make a wish?" he asked joyfully.

"I already have everything I could possibly need," Rick answered matter-of-factly.

"Are you sure about that? Because you're alone on Christmas eve."

Rick shook his head and rolled his eyes as he walked away.

"That wish will find you sir! Santa knows what you really want!" the man yelled to Rick who was already gone.

When he got home, Rick poured himself a glass of scotch and got right back to work at the dining table. He worked for hours, it didn't matter what day it was, it didn't matter that it was Christmas. It didn't matter that he was alone. He poured himself another glass, and another without even realising it and when finally he finished, he looked at the grandfather clock beside him.

_Merry Christmas to me._

And alone, he went to bed.

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**Any thoughts?**


	2. Chapter 2

Rick was still very much in sleep when he felt a small hand shaking him, "Daddy."

He grunted and buried his head deeper into his pillow.

Another hand joined the first, shaking him a little harder, "Daddy, daddy. It's Christmas!"

He opened his eyes, and jumped backwards in surprise, his back hitting the head-board in a bang, "What? Who are you?" he exclaimed confused trying to catch his breath.

The five year old girl chuckled, climbing on the bed, "Very funny, daddy."

"Hey, hey, hey! Stay away child," he added backing away further in the bed.

"Daddy," she puffed exasperated by the game her father was playing. "Please. Pretty, pretty, please, get out of bed. Santa came! And mommy said we have to wait for you to open the presents."

"Mommy?" he asked as he looked around the room, in the unfamiliar surroundings he was in, suddenly sinking in, a quizzical expression forming on his face.

"Am I being summoned?" asked a woman, stopping in the archway of the bedroom door, a toddler balanced on her hip. She smiled, "Need some help, Gracie?"

He knew that smile.

The blue-eyed, curly haired girl nodded, her eyes wide with excitement.

"You're the woman from the coffee shop!" he exclaimed, pointing at her. Pausing for a second and thinking before adding, "Kate! You're Kate!"

"No." Grace stated furrowing her brow, he recognised that frown too. She was definitely Kate's daughter, there was no doubt there. "Mommy. She's mommy," the girl in the pink pyjamas added, eying him suspiciously as she walked to her mother, wrapping her small arm around her.

Kate gently stroked her hair and softly she told her daughter, "Go join your sister in the living room, we'll be there in a minute, honey. And like I told Juliette, you can look, but no touching, okay?"

Gracie nodded, giving her father one last look before skipping away happily to join her twin at the foot of the tree.

"Rick, what's the matter with you? This is usually one of the only mornings where you're up first," Kate asked, sitting on the bed and placing her hand on his legs over the covers, letting the small boy on the bed, free to roam.

"What's the matter with me?" he exclaimed. "I don't know you people," he stated, moving his legs and grabbing the toddler who had crawled to him. His hands under the boy's arms, Rick was careful not to have him close as he handed him back to Kate.

"Rick if this is one of your practical jokes, seriously, it's not the time," said, taking Levi and kissing the top of his head.

"I'm not joking. This isn't my life, Kate. Yesterday I went to bed in silk sheets not these cheap flannel ones. I meet you just yesterday! You made me spill my coffee all over my coat!"

"When you're done insulting the bed, can you please just get up? The kids are waiting for you," she said, exasperated.

"Kate, I'm telling you, they're not my kids! I don't have any kids."

She shook her head, her eyes full of anger and walked out of the bedroom taking loud, deep breaths. He heard her tell the kids in the other room, "We'll have the sticky buns before the gifts this year."

The sea of "Ahhhhh" she received in response could probably be heard three apartments away.

"Girls, I want to hear no complaining," she added sternly.

"But mama!" he heard a little voice say.

"Juliette, what did I say?"

There was a moment of silence before Kate added, "Let's give your dad a little time to wake up, okay? He's not feeling too well."

"Is daddy, okay?" questioned Gracie, concerned.

"Yes, he's okay. You know how he is, always joking around," he heard their mother tell them. He furrowed his brow. Definitely, she couldn't be talking about him.

"Come, you'll help me ice the sticky buns," Kate added.

"Okay!" the twins answered in cohesion before he heard the sound of small sock clad feet scurrying across the wooden floor, to the kitchen he assumed.

Quietly, Rick got up from the bed and looked around the room.

Who's life had he stepped into? Because it definitely couldn't be his.

Walking past the mirror he stopped, approached his face, turning in every direction, it sure did look like him.

He grabbed the picture on the nightstand and observed it. It was him, in a black tuxedo, Kate in a white dress. He had picked her up, her feet dangling to his side as she laughed, a pure, raw laughter, one that couldn't have been staged. It was a beautiful picture. They looked happy, and him, he looked very much in love.

He placed the picture back where he had taken it, and picked up the one right next to it, it looked like a picture that could have been taken at Christmas last year. There was his mother and Alexis, a man he assumed to be Kate's father. There was Kate and himself, with a younger version of the kids. There was brown, curly haired Grace and the blond curled one he assumed was Juliette and the baby in his arms he assumed was the boy he still had no idea what was his name was.

He heard laughter coming from the other room, buried in a melody of silverware banging together, hushed voices and babbling. At least he hadn't completely ruined those kids' Christmas.

This was crazy. No, this was more than crazy, more than insane, this was impossible. These kids weren't real, they couldn't be. He was dreaming; he had to be. He had been thinking about the women from the coffee shop before going to bed, and had caused the dream he was now living, there was no other explanation. He had to be dreaming.

He walked to the connecting bathroom, he needed to wake up. He needed to get back to his life, he didn't do kids, didn't do family or family pictures. He could hardly remember his mother and sister's birthday every year. He had money, success and he had women, lots of them.

This life, it wasn't him.

He turned on the cold water, splashing his face repeatedly, until his t-shirt, along with the counter was soaked. He looked at himself in the vanity mirror, "Come on, Rick, just wake up."

"Wake up!" he said as he slapped his cheek.

He slapped both cheeks repeatedly. His heart was pounding faster and faster in his chest with each moment he opened his eyes and found himself there, in this bathroom, this other person's bathroom. He wanted his life back, his life full of excess and luxury. Even the towels felt cheap.

He pinched his arms, pinched and pinched again, until a bruise started to form.

He shook his head, biting at his lower lip.

_Think, think, think._

He paced around the small bathroom and suddenly an idea hit him, a great idea.

_You can't fall when you're dreaming._

His heart was still pounding like crazy as he rummaged through the drawers, pulling out a hair band. He slid it on his wrist and looked around for the appropriate location. He found one back in the bedroom, between the bed and the wall. Rick placed his hands in his back and slid a second hand in the hair band; this wouldn't work if he broke his fall with his hands, he needed to immobilise them. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes, he let himself fall forward.

He hit the floor in a loud thump.

He sighed, banging his forehead slowly on the floor. He was still there, only now his face hurt like crazy and the pounding pain in his cheek evidenced, that this, whatever _this_ was, was probably not a dream.

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**Any thoughts? I love to read them :)**


	3. Chapter 3

The loud bang resonated through the apartment, accompanied by a visceral grunt. Three little faces, cheeks decorated with white icing looked at her, their eyes widened in terror. "Stay at the table," she ordered the kids as she rushed to her bedroom.

"Rick, what the heck happened?" she requested with a mix of worry and anger.

"I fell," he stated, his forehead still on the floor. He had fallen, he had fallen hard and he was still here, in this life, with this wife and these kids that he couldn't possibly know how to care for.

"Jesus Christ, Rick," she whispered, crouching down beside her husband, running her fingers through his hair, the anger mostly gone. He smiled weakly, turning his head in the woman's direction to which she gasped.

He flinched when she lightly stroked his cheek with her index, "Your cheekbone's already starting to swell and bruise," she stated.

"Try to get up," she encouraged as she tried to help him up, and he managed to free his hands, popping the hair band, before she could realise they were tied at his back. "You fell?" she asked skeptically, helping him on the bed.

He nodded, staring at the wall in front of him, unable to make eye contact with the woman he'd made such a bad impression to just yesterday.

"Stay here," she told him, squeezing softly his thigh before rushing out of the bedroom.

The kids weren't eating when she got back to the kitchen, worried expressions still on their faces, "Is daddy okay?" Juliette asked.

"He's fine sweetie, just a little bump. Eat your breakfast, he's okay," she said in a tone the kids detected wasn't her normal one, as she frantically looked through the pantry, then freezer.

"Mama?" asked Gracie, unsure.

"He's fine, I promise," Kate assured her kids, kissing each one on the top of the head, "He's fine," she added in a whisper, as if to convince herself while she walked back to the bedroom, giving her kids an encouraging smile.

Rick was still sitting, unmoved, his hands together in front of him, lost in his thoughts. He didn't react when the mattress dipped as she sat down beside him. With her thumb and her index, she gently grabbed his jaw and turned his head in her direction.

She shook her head, a small smile on her lips, "And I thought Levi, was clumsy, I guess we can see where he gets it. At least now, because of the little bugger, we know the magic recipe, right?"

Without a reaction from her husband, quickly, she applied the vanilla extract on the area where she could see the bruise starting to form and she placed the bag of frozen peas over it. She grabbed one of his hands, and guided it to the frozen vegetables, "Hold it there."

He nodded. And she capped the bottle of vanilla, and placed it on the night table, "Rick, are you okay?" she asked, clearly concerned.

Once again, he nodded, silently.

She nodded, unsure, "Let's change your shirt, it's soaked." She grabbed the bottom of the shirt, and mechanically he put his hands in the air so she could pull it off. She rolled it into a ball and threw it in the corner of the room, over a pile of dirty clothes.

Her hand on his chest, she asked, "Rick, did you bump your head falling down?"

He shook his head, without much emotion he managed to answer, "No, that's not it."

She grabbed the hand still lying, motionless on his thigh with both hands and brought it to her lips, "Babe, what's going on? You're scaring me. _Please_, just stop," she asked, her eyes moist.

He slowly turned towards her, and with his eyes, lost in hers, he snapped out of his lethargy, and after a sigh, he answered, "I can honestly say I have no idea."

"You know you can tell me anything, right?" she said, full of hope.

He doubted that he could, especially with the way she was looking at him, clearly hurting. He couldn't say what it was about the way she was looking at him, but somehow, he wanted to make it all better. He knew he was the reason she was hurting, so he smiled, as best he could at the moment, in this unfamiliar room, in this unfamiliar life, with this wife and with the pain emanating from cheek. He told her, and for one of the few times in his life, actually meant it, "I'm sorry."

It seemed to do the trick. Kate smiled back and laid her head over his shoulder. Maybe this was it, maybe this was what it was, a test, and he could do that, give her the normal Christmas she was looking for. Maybe he could do that, just for one day. What was it they said? Fake it until you make it. He could probably do that, for one day at least.

"I pushed the joke a little far waking up, and I… I tripped getting up. I was a little stunned, I'm all good now."

She straightened herself and lifted the bag of peas from his cheekbone, examining the protruding bump, "I wouldn't say _all_ good, Rick," she said as she placed the bag back in place, "You had me worried this morning," quickly, she placed a kiss on his lips.

"Do you think we should go to the ER? Make sure you don't have a concussion?" she asked as she looked through the drawers for a clean shirt and threw him a Christmas themed one.

He caught it, and pulled it over his head, "And ruin the kids Christmas even more? Then you'd be their favorite forever," he tried his hand at a joke, he'd never been particularly good at them.

"Already am, babe," she smiled, the smile that probably could have convinced him, if this was in any way real, to have kids, just so they'd look like her, so they'd smile, just like her.

Kate got up and grabbed his hand, helping him up, and hand in hand, they exited the bedroom, "You have to tell me if you're feeling queasy though."

He tried not to gasp as he stepped out of the bedroom and stepped into a winter wonderland. This woman must really love Christmas.

"Maybe Lanie would do a house call," Kate added.

"Who's Lanie?" he asked without thinking, absorbed by his incredible surroundings.

"And you tell me you didn't bump your head and that you're fine. Yeah, I'm calling Lanie," she said walking away, leaving him alone. He was standing all alone in front of three pairs of very curious eyes, a spectacle, and he was terrified, frozen in place. He didn't do kids, didn't know anything about them. Maybe faking it wasn't such a good idea.

"Daddy, are you okay?" mumbled Juliette, mouth full, from her seat at the dining room table.

"I'm fine," he stated, walking over to them uneasily.

"Dada Owie" babbled Levi, throwing his hands in the air wanting to be picked up from the highchair he was strapped in. Rick only managed to pat his head a couple of times.

"You want me to kiss it all better? It's my _peciality_," asked Grace, full of hope.

He looked at all three of them, their big blue eyes, a mirror to his own, to his little sister's, pouring with unconditional love, forgiveness, pleading him.

He smiled uneasily, the feeling was overwhelming, and the twins shared a hesitant look at the sight of his reaction.

He sat down at an empty chair at the table, gave Kate a quick glance, deep in conversation over the phone, pacing in circles. She wasn't walking back over for at least a couple of minutes to save him, so he did the only this he could think of, and he accepted the offer. "I guess that couldn't hurt" he said as he lifted the frozen peas and unveiled his cheek.

"Daddy!" Juliette gasped, bringing a hand to her mouth.

Both girls jumped out of their seats in a hurry, running to their father.

"Gracie's won't be enough," Juliette stated as she placed her hands on his lap, standing on her tippy-toes, trying to get a better view of her father's cheek, "That's a _big_ ouchie."

The twins climbed on him, each seated on a different lap, taking turns trying to kiss the pain away. "Does it still hurt?" inquired Gracie after a kiss.

He nodded, so Juliette gently kissed the bruise, "And now?"

He could feel his heart warm up, maybe he was hallucinating, but somehow, the overflow of love and worry from the girls seemed to make a difference, his cheek seemed to hurt a little less. Kate smiled at the scene going on as she walked back in the kitchen, breakfast seemingly forgotten.

"I called Lanie, she's coming over," she stated, picking up the frozen peas and placing them back on her husband's cheek before sitting down beside them, in front of a plate filled with a half-eaten sticky bun.

"_Good_," stated Juliette.

"Yeah, 'cause I don't think we have it in us to kiss the ouchie bye-bye. Right Julie?" Gracie said as she faked being exhausted.

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**Any thoughts?**

**And to the anonymous reviewers whom I can't personally thank, reading your comments really makes posting stuff worthwhile! I'm really happy everyone seems to be enjoying!**


	4. Chapter 4

"I got my doctor's note," exclaimed Rick, waving an imaginary paper, as he walked back into the living room, Lanie following closely behind.

"Nice work, daddy," stated Grace, showing him one thumbs up, barely even stopping from playing with her newly unwrapped doll house. Kate and himself had decided it would be best to do gifts before Lanie got there, just in case a trip to the emergency room had been deemed necessary by Kate's doctor friend.

"Barely," Lanie mouthed to Kate, from behind Castle, lifting her eyebrow and widening her eyes. She got up from her where she was seated, on the floor, playing with Levi and his brand new Little People Garage, pulling her friend into a hug Kate told her, "Thanks for the house call, Lanie, you're the best. Merry Christmas to us, right?"

Lanie smiled, looking directly at Kate, face to face, her hands rested on her shoulders, "You're kidding? This place, these kids," Lanie's hands on her shoulders were moving Kate into the direction of her kids, "Look at them, they're the definition of a merry Christmas," she explained before she crouched to the ground, telling the kids, "I don't think I got my hug, Munchkins," as she pulled Levi in her arms and the girls crawled to her.

"We're not Munchkins Aunt Lanie, we're kids," stated Gracie.

"Yeah, we're _sposed_ to be small," added Juliette, wrapping her arms around Lanie's neck.

Arms crossed, watching the scene unfold at the foot of their tree, Kate gently bumped her shoulder into Rick's as she confided, "I think Lanie's right, this is it."

Juliette whispered into the doctor's ear, "You made my daddy all better, right? He's fixed?"

"All better, Munchkin," the doctor whispered back as she kissed her cheek, before adding, in a louder tone that everyone would hear, "He's a nut job, and he's got a chin growing on his cheek but other than that daddy's all set for this afternoon, little misses and mister."

"What's this afternoon?" Rick asked, looking over too Kate for an answer.

"Lanie, are you sure he's fine?" questioned Kate, rubbing soothing circles on Rick's back looking at her friend with her head tilted sideways, waiting for an explanation, her eyes pleading for anything, any explanation that would explain her husband's erratic and distant behavior.

"He's got no tell-tale signs of a concussion, nothing physical at least. He doesn't even seem to have been hit anywhere near any cranial region, from what I could see. So, really, there's no need for a trip to the ER," she stated, getting up, "Writer boy's memory will come back, it's probably temporary shock or something," she added looking right to Rick. "Or maybe he's faking it, just wants to play doctor, but don't be fooled Mrs. Castle, he's physically healthy," winking at Kate, who scowled, shaking her head, letting herself smile until she looked over to Rick, who once again, seemed lost, deep in his thoughts.

"Writer boy?" Rick asked, because he'd stopped listening to Lanie, to anyone, after she'd called him writer boy, because seriously, she couldn't know, he'd never told anyone.

"Fine then, Mr. Sensible, Writer _Man_," corrected Lanie.

"You're writing a book, a book abouta Derrick. I think he's a ninja. It's _suxpent_," hinted Juliette.

"_SuxpenSe_," corrected Gracie before crying out, "Levi stop! It's _my_ doll!"

"You can share Gracie," lectured Kate.

"I know, but mama, he's putting her in his mouth! Levi! No. Stop!" she yelled as she yanked the doll from her brother's hand who, closing his empty fist, started crying.

"And that's my cue!" interjected Lanie, as chaos reigned in the living room, the boy had strong lungs, no question there.

Rick looked at the toddler wailing, kicking the toys away, then at the 5 year old pouting, smoothing her doll's hair with her hand, her back to her brother, then at the other one, hiding in her coloring book, not having anything to do with the madness. He felt useless; he _was_ useless. Rick would probably have done just about anything to follow Lanie out, as the powerful cries echoed in through the room, ricocheted in his head. It didn't help that Kate kept looking at him, as though she was expecting him to do something, frowning at him before picking the boy up, and rocking him gently up and down. He sighed in relief, she was much better at this than he ever could be.

"I'll see you and the Munchkins later, okay?" said Lanie, her coat on her shoulder, at the door, closing it behind her.

"Bye aunt Lanie!" shouted the girls in unison, over the cries of their brother, who had started to whimper down in his mother's arms.

"Rick, can you please deal with this?" Kate asked as she dumped a still agitated Levi in his arms, running after her friend, not bothering to wait for a response, not paying attention to the stunned expression on her husband's face.

"Lanie, wait!" Kate yelled out the door, to the woman she thought would be well across the hallway by the time she got there.

"Right here," stated Lanie, standing beside the door, back to the wall, waiting, "Thought you'd want to talk about that husband of yours."

"And that's why I love you," Kate managed to say, a smile taking place over her tense features, "It's not just me, he's acting really weird, right? It started before the fall, Lane. I just. I don't. It's."

"Are you sure he's just not playing you, kind of payback for the practical joke you played on him on his birthday, back when you two were still just dating? You know, the Hitchcock thing?"

"You really think he'd do that on Christmas, to the kids? He loves Christmas, makes this big deal out of the holiday every year. And you didn't see his face when I handed Levi over to him, he looked terrified."

"It's probably just stress induced; his book's coming out soon. Money's tight. He'll get over it."

"Lanie, he didn't kiss me once. He didn't even touch me."

"Oh honey, you guys have three small children, every marriage has its rough patches. Give him a bit of time, things will fall back into place. Don't think about it today, just have fun, for the kids."

"I guess I can let things slide today."

"You can try, Kate," Lanie joked, to which Kate rolled her eyes, and Lanie added, before her friend could reply, "I'll see you this afternoon, everyone coming?"

"It's tradition," Kate stated, pulling her friend into a hug, and holding her tight she whispered, "Thanks, Lanie," letting her go she told her, "We'll see you later."

Kate watched her friend walk away, leaning on the wall behind her, a hand ruffling her messy hair. When her friend turned the corner and was out a sight, after a second, or two, or sixty, she inhaled. She exhaled. Then, when she was ready, she walked back in.

And it was quiet. It was calm.

Rick was seated on the floor, the kids seated motionless, quiet, in front of him as he read them The Little Fir Tree, a book from Gracie's stocking, acting out the parts, the songs, in a way that Kate, for the first time since they'd woken up, seemed to recognise her husband, the one who she'd fallen asleep next to just yesterday. He'd told her, all those years ago, when the girls where just tiny bundles of joy that pooped and cried, that he'd fallen in love with books while reading to his little sister. That the bedtime stories were his most cherished memories, that growing up they didn't have much, but they had them, and that he'd always take the time to read to his kids, no matter what.

Quietly, she walked over to them, careful not to disturb the show he was giving. Rick winked at her, patting the seat beside him. Things were going to be okay. It was Christmas morning, the kids were calm, were happy, and she seemed to be getting her husband back. Things were going to sort themselves out.

She sat, and listened as the story came to life, watched the kids, eyes glistening in wonder, in joy, as Rick read, acted, sung, line after line until finally, he flipped over the final page and closed the book.

"_Gain_!" cried the 18 month old boy.

"Pleeeaaaaaase," pleaded Gracie, her hands in prayer.

Rick smiled, proud and quickly looking over to Kate, who he'd overheard through the crack of the door earlier, and he thought he managed to read her expression. "We'll save the next representation for bedtime, okay? We should get ready now." Ready for what he still had absolutely no idea, but one of them was bound to tell him eventually, he was betting on the girls.

And his seemed to be the right answer, as Kate got up, seemingly lighter as she asked, "You dress Levi, I'll get the girls?"

"Levi, that's the one still in diapers, right?" he asked jokingly. She tilted her head, amused, questioning, and his smile grew, "Nice try, hon. Come on girls, run!" he exclaimed, placing a quick kiss on her lips and hurrying after two very excited 5 year olds, laughing as they ran to their bedroom. He was better off with the two chatterboxes anyways, he'd learn a lot more that way.

Kate shook her head, chuckling, she got owned that one. She walked to the bedroom, the one and a half year old in her arms, passing the girl's room and popping her head through the door, she added, "Skating, Rick. We're going skating."

* * *

**Not to sure about that one, but felt it was necessary. Hope you still enjoy. :)**

**Tell me what you thought!**


	5. Chapter 5

"How about this one?" asked Rick, holding a long sleeved shirt, crouched beside the dresser as he looked through the drawers. It looked cute, pink, with what looked like the mixture of a cat and a squirrel wearing an elf hat on it. Exactly what he thought a five year old would want to wear.

"Daddy, that's a pajama," exclaimed Gracie, exasperated. And she was right to be, he really was no good at this. Everything he'd pulled out either resulted in a laugh, a grunt, or a simple 'no.'

"Aunt Lanie said you were fixed, daddy," added Juliette, placing her hand on his forehead, then on his cheek, as she'd seen her mother or father do when one of them felt sick.

"And I am," he stated, scooping the girl up as he stood back up.

"No you're not, 'cause you're _sposed_ to know," she said, wrapping her arms around her father's neck protectively.

"Maybe we should choose our clothes, Julie," tried Grace.

"Amen, sister," let out Rick, kissing Juliette's temple before placing her back on the floor.

"Any time, daddy-o," replied Gracie as she winked, pointing over at her father who chuckled, at the sight of her antics, making the 5 year old laugh, proud of having made her father laugh, finally.

He sat on one of the beds, as the girls starting looking through their clothes, for the perfect thing to wear. He asked, hopeful it would get the two going, if triggered right, they could be an overflowing fountain of information and he hoped that in those girls, maybe lied the solution on how to get to his life, his real life, "Going skating's pretty exciting, huh?"

"It's a tra-di-tion," stated Juliette.

"Mama did it with her mom and dad since she was a tiny baby," added Gracie, bringing her hands close together as to show just how tiny a baby she was. As she said so, Rick flashed back to the picture he'd examined in the bedroom earlier, because Kate's mother hadn't been on the picture. He'd have to find out, about it eventually. He made a mental note to shut up about Kate's mother, until he knew more.

Juliette grabbed her father's hand pulling him off the bed, to a picture framed to the wall, "And us too, when we were just tiny, tiny babies. I think we were like a day old," explained the girl, confident about what she was saying.

He smiled at the picture of the four of them, another happy moment in the life that wasn't his, another frozen scene of a blissful version of himself that he didn't recognise. The girls were definitely more than a day old, but they were pretty small, not a lot older than a month old. Kate and himself looked tired, exhausted, but the way he was looking at the small wrapped bundles was indescribable, and he caught himself, for a fleeting moment, wishing he'd been there. But this wasn't his, wasn't his too moon over. He observed the picture, running his finger amorously on the frame.

"Ouuuuu, I loooooove this dress!" interrupted Gracie taking it out of the closet and twirling around with it.

"No dresses," Rick stated point to the fact, "Pants and a shirt."

"But you said we choose," whined Grace.

He widened his eyes, defiant, "Fine, but you'll have to wear your snow pants over it."

For a couple of seconds they stared in each other's eyes, not moving, until Gracie broke, sighing loudly. "Hard _bartain_, daddy," she conceded, snapping her fingers and pointing to him, before putting the dress back and continuing to look.

He laid back on the wall, he was getting the hang of this. He looked over to the blonde one, as she displayed her choice of clothes on the bed for approval, a white Star Wars hoodie on display, "Ouuuuu! Excellent choice here, Juliette."

She smiled proudly, "Thank you, daddy."

"What else are you gals excited about doing during the holidays?"

"I just hope mommy will stay with us, that she doesn't have her body drop," Gracie confided.

He looked at the girl, confused by the statement, but wanting to keep the conversation running, "Yeah… because mommy's a… mommy's a…."

"Mommy's a what, now?" asked Kate, walking in the bedroom, Levi in tow.

"A superhero," stated Gracie.

"A _detective_," corrected Juliette.

"That's an affirmative on both counts," said Kate, smiling. Rick extended his arms liberating her from the boy, who once on his father, wiggled his way to the floor.

"What's the hold-up?" Kate asked, directing the question to her husband.

"Daddy let us choose our clothes," Gracie answered simply.

"And how's that coming along?" Kate

"Still looking," Gracie

"I'm done," exclaimed Julie as she twirled, in her black leggings and R2D2 hoodie.

"Best. Christmas. Outfit," Rick laughed joyfully.

"Yeah, and I bet you didn't have anything to do with that one," Kate joked.

"I didn't, I swear," he exclaimed, holding his two hands up innocently.

"Don't forget clean undies," mommy Kate felt the need to add. On the other hand, she reminded them because the girls did seem to forget. She could never figure out why.

"I did not, mama," said Juliette all smiles, as she went to her father, holding her arms up, and he picked her up.

"I want to look pretty," said Gracie, looking over to her parents.

"_Pitty_," echoed Levi.

"That's right Levi, she's always pretty. Pants and a shirt, okay?" Kate told her daughter, the fashionista.

"I know, daddy said."

"Two more minutes. Then I choose for you," warned her mother.

Gracie nodded, her hands on her hips, pensive. She looked over at her twin sister, hoisted up in her their father's arms, smiling at her encouragingly, before heading to her drawer and pulling out a pair of white leggings and pink shirt, throwing it on her bed.

Kate picked up the shirt, smiling, "That's a pyjama top, Gracie."

"I know, but daddy chose it. I think he finds it pretty."

* * *

It was fresh off the subway that Rick heard it, the familiar sound of a singing bell. With his eyes wide open, he skimmed over the area searching for the place the sound was originating from. He spotted him, about 20 feet away from the entrance, swinging his bell. It was the man, the same man, the man from last night, from another life, dressed as Santa, still collecting donations.

Rick let go of the girls' hands, leaving all three kids with a stunned Kate.

Panting when he got to the man, Rick said, "It's you."

The man smiled, "Hello there, Mr. Castle. I see you've got some company," he stated as he smiled to Kate and the kids, walking over to them, and waving at them.

Rick turned around to look at them, gave Kate a weak smile, and turned back towards Santa, telling him, "I change my mind, okay? I want my wish back."

He shook his head. "It doesn't work like this. You already got your wish."

Rick quickly, pulled out his wallet, rummaging through it, pushing all the bills he could find into the bucket, "Just. Just. Give me another one, then."

The man shook his head, "I'm sorry, Mr. Castle."

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed! Probably going to have to skip tomorrow's update, but if you're nice, maybe I'll post an extra long one the day after ;)**

**Tell me what you thought, I love you guys for it! :D**

**I hope you got from that chapter that Juliette and Gracie are _really_ daddy's girl.**


	6. Chapter 6

Rick stared at the man in front of him, incredulous and he stated, "This isn't my life."

It was crazy, this whole thing was crazy. He still couldn't get around the fact that this seemed to be his life now, because it wasn't. He knew it, and the man in front of him knew it also. How could he act like everything was perfectly normal, when it wasn't?

He was a publisher, a workaholic, a millionaire. He could spend five thousand dollars on a pair of shoes if he wanted to, and not think about twice it. He could kick the girl he hadn't even taken the time to learn the name of to the curb in the morning and not even feel a tiny bit bad about it. He didn't do relationships, didn't do family, and emotional responsibilities, he ran from them like the plague. He was good at the work stuff, good with number's and market shares, the meetings, good at impressing the shareholders, but for the rest, for the life stuff, even just showing up from time to time, it wasn't his forte. He cared for them, for his family, he did, he loved them; he paid his mother's rent, got Alexis through school. He made sure they were taken care of, that they had everything they needed and more, made sure that they would not struggle to pay the bills, like he'd seen her mother do after his father left, but that was the extent of it, that was how he cared for them, and he was okay with that.

He didn't get close, didn't get close to anyone, ever, because the truth of it was, people, they always leave, or disappoint you, or both, him included.

He was a free man, free to do what he wanted, when he wanted, nothing holding him back, and he liked that about life. He didn't have a wife didn't have kids. They weren't his, none of this was.

"No, but it could be," answered the man.

Rick shook his head, he couldn't be expected to just give up his live, to jump in a new one. It wasn't how it worked, it wasn't how any of it worked. "But it isn't," he added as he looked back at Kate, at the kids, walking towards him. This wasn't forever, he couldn't stay here forever. He just couldn't. Turning back towards the Santa look-a-like, he asked him, "How do I go back to the one I know?"

"You'll be back in due time Mr. Castle," the man added simply.

"How long?"

"As long as takes."

"It takes for what? Do you see these shoes, I'll have blisters on my blisters when I get back."

Santa didn't answer, a gentle, understanding smile his only answer.

"It takes for what?" Rick pleaded, again, this time a little louder.

Once again, Rick didn't receive an answer, and before he could ask again, their conversation was brought to a stop, stirred in another direction, when Gracie exclaimed, close behind Rick, "It's Santa!" as she jumped up and down, "It's Santa! Daddy, it's Santa! You know Santa?"

The rest of the gang were close behind, with Kate holding on to Juliette's hand and Levi hiding his face into his mother's neck, not a fan of the bearded man. She fashioned a questioning smile as she whispered, almost laughing, "Rick, all those years and you never told me you knew Santa, could have made Christmas a lot easier on the both of us, don't you think?"

Honestly, he answered, "It's only someone I knew from another lifetime ago, and he isn't much help, trust me on that."

Juliette, letting go of her mother's hand, and going to the man in the red coat, she lectured, her heart filled with good will, "Santa, you should be in bed. You must be sooooo sleepy from going down the chimneys," before adding, like she was about to forget what was more important, "Oh! And thanks for the gifts, Santa."

"You're right, I'll be going to bed very soon, I promise. Mrs. Clause told me the same thing, she'll be very mad if I'm not back soon," he told the girl, crouching to her level as he talked, making the girl beam with pride. He added, "And you're very welcome, Juliette. You were particularly nice this year, you deserve it, right dad?" Rick watched the girl's smile grow as the man called her by her name and nodded, as she looked at him for confirmation.

"That's because I'm five," beamed out Juliette, showing him her open hand, displaying five little fingers.

"I'm five too," interrupted Gracie, wanting her part in the party.

"Yeah, and I was really impressed by your behavior this year too, Grace, a lot less temper tantrums. I was very impressed, Mrs. Clause and I hope you continue on this path, next year."

"Oh, I will!" exclaimed the girl.

"I'm sure you will, Grace, you be nice to mommy, okay? She deserves it" added the man as he patted her head, and she nodded, looking over to her mother, who smiled in response. "I'll be off now. And Juliette, I'll be sure to tell Mrs. Clause that I'm home earlier because of you. She'll be very grateful."

He crouched to the girls' level once more, "And make sure to tell Levi to be a good boy, too," and both girls hugged the man.

"Merry Christmas, Levi! Maybe next year, you'll be a little less shy," exclaimed the man, to the boy who smiled, but buried his head, further into his mother's chest.

"Bye, Santa," said the girls waving as the man walked away, before he turned around towards them, yelling, "Just don't fight it Mr. Castle, you might just learn something, might just remember something important," as he rang his bell once more.

Kate looked at him, questioning, and he only shook his head, wrapping an arm around her, giving the girls a little nudge in the direction of the skating rink and all of them started walking, with the girls walking closely in front of Rick, Kate and Levi, talking with each other, laughing, and Rick overheard one of them say, "I can't believe our daddy is friends with Santa, Santa Clause!"

And he couldn't believe Santa, or whoever this man was, was being such a jerk. He wasn't going back, at least not for a little while. He was stuck here, for an undetermined amount of time, and there was nothing, absolutely nothing he could do about it. They walked the short distance to the rink, as he thought about his time here, would it be a day, a week a month, a year? And he hadn't realised they had arrived, that they were waiting for him, he didn't feel the hand tug on his coat, and after waiting a moment, Kate broke his concentration, "What are you thinking about, there?"

He shook his head, "Nothing, nothing important. Book things," he lied, so she wouldn't worry.

She nodded, placing a quick kiss on his lips, "Stop worrying. It's Christmas, okay?"

He nodded, and smiled, "Deal."

She waited a moment, thought he'd figure out what she was waiting for, but the kids were getting antsy, so she asked, "Rick?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm going to need the money for the tickets."

His eyes widened, "I… I uhm…I gave it away."

"All of it?" she asked, doubtful.

He nodded. He hadn't even realised how much he'd given, never given a second thought to it, it wasn't something he usually thought about, and he thought he'd messed up, but she laughed, whole-heartedly, and he relaxed when she told him, "I applaud your holiday spirit, but how are we going to get in? It's cash only." She opened her purse, rummaged through it, "I got a couple bills, but not enough."

"I'll cover you, Katie," interjected a voice, coming from behind that Rick didn't yet recognise.

"Grand-pa!" exclaimed the girls as they ran into their grandfather's arms, who crouched to the ground picking them up, one in each arm and he told them with a grunt, "Either you guys are getting big, or I'm getting old."

"You're not old," said Gracie, and placing a hand on his cheek, she added, "Well not _too_ old."

The older man chuckled, "Well, okay then."

"We're getting big. We're five you now," added Juliette.

"I know, I was at your birthday party, last month, remember?" he told them.

"I remember!" exclaimed Gracie holding her hand up high, to which her twin sister rolled her eyes.

Rick recognised the man from the picture, Kate's father, and when the man diverted his attention to him, his eyes widened and Rick panicked, afraid he'd done something wrong. He hadn't met many dads, but he knew of one thing, they were particularly protective over their daughters. Rick glanced at Kate, who smiled. A wave of relief went through his body as the older man exclaimed, approaching him with worry, "Rick? What happened to your face?"

He breathed out and smiled, brushing the happenings of this morning as, "Little accident earlier, nothing major."

"Aunt Lanie says he's all better," added Gracie.

"Yeah, he's all better," said Kate, placing her hand on her husband's neck gently, "All better."

"Yexi!" yelled Levi, kicking his legs, finally wanting out of his mother's arms. Everyone turned around in the direction the boy was pointing to, to the young women he had fallen in love with, probably on the day he was born, the woman who for reasons unknown could make him do about everything and anything.

Rick breathing quickened as he immediately recognised the two redheads through the sea of faces, coming over towards them. They were there, in these unfamiliar surroundings, in this life he'd been thrown into this morning, his sister, his mother, were still there, unchanged, and he sighed in relief.

Suddenly he understood Levi's urge to go to them, so he grabbed the boy, and ran to their meeting, pulling them into a hug, before even saying hi. He held on to them, and just wouldn't let go.

"Richard, my goodness. What's the matter with you? You're acting like you haven't seen us in ages. We were together just yesterday," said Martha.

"Rick, what happened to your face, the kids beat you up or something?" asked Alexis, "You beat daddy up, Levi?" she asked the boy, ticking his sides, making him laugh.

"It's nothing, it's nothing," he reassured them, as he continued holding on to them tightly, "Nothing that can't be fixed."

* * *

**Hey guys sorry I lied, and that I'm a day late. I didn't have much time in the past days, and maybe this chapter wouldn't come out, or that the hungover me, isn't really the best at producing chapters! Anyways hope you enjoyed this update.  
Little teaser, next Chapter, I'm going with less kids, more Kate! ;)**


	7. Chapter 7

Rick looked around and smiled, it truly was a great holiday tradition, one he knew he would have loved growing up. He hadn't skated in forever, one of the many things he got to add to the list of things he used love as a kid, but couldn't find the time to enjoy anymore. Still, after several minutes on the ice, Rick still felt shaky on his feet, not ready to let go of the railing just yet. For the moment, he was happy just watching, watching in silence the people around him, watching the smiles, listening to the laughter.

Around him were people who cared. There was Martha and Alexis, the family he was born into. There was Jim, the family Kate was born into. There was Lanie, and her boyfriend, the family Kate had chosen to grow into. There was Levi, Juliette and Grace, the family he'd fallen into.

And then there was Kate.

Kate, the woman who looked at him like there was no one else around, like nothing else mattered. Kate, the woman at his side, extending her hand, waiting for him to grab it. Kate, the woman who tried not to laugh as he let go of the rail, shaky on his feet. The woman who tucked their intertwined gloves under her arm when finally, he grabbed hers. The woman with a sly smile forming at the corner of her lips as she pulled him with confidence, onto the circuit of skaters, of lovers, of parents and kids, of families.

Slowly, gradually, his feet seemed to familiarise themselves with the motion, his poise rose with every kick, every slide. For a moment they skated, simply, easily, their hands in one another, with silent smiles as the cool air brushed their faces, a nice pink coloring her cheeks.

He'd been unsure, uncomfortable with the idea Martha, Alexis and Jim had pushed onto him, the idea they had mentioned as he was tying the twins' skates, to get the kids off their hands, so that he and Kate could have a moment to themselves. He had been vehemently against the idea. He was certain that, stuck with him, she'd realise he was a fake, realise he wasn't the man she'd married, the man she'd loved. At first he'd been afraid of what that would do to his chances of going back home, to the life he knew, but he found himself wondering more and more what it would do to her, to her kids, when they'd find out, and surely they would.

Because he knew nothing about the man he was supposed to be, nothing about the man someone would fall in love with, someone would choose to marry, for him, just him. He knew nothing about any of it, and she'd discover it sooner rather than later. There was no way around it.

Gently, she bumped her shoulder into his, asking, "Whatcha thinking about?" because her husband wasn't usually that silent, not for that long at least, not if he wasn't sleeping, and even then, he sometimes talked in his sleep.

He breathed in, there it was, the thousand dollar question. He searched his mind, trying to find something, anything that would satisfy her thirst for an answer, because she was worried, he knew it and there wasn't anything he could do to help. She wanted him to reveal himself, wanted him to share a part of himself, to show her that he was okay, that they were okay. But what could he do when he wasn't the him she was looking for?

When nothing came, he attempted a smile in the hope it would be a good enough answer, though deep down, he knew it wouldn't. He'd never be enough.

"Don't stop to think, just tell me, right now. What are you thinking?" she tried again.

"Honestly?"

She nodded and smiled.

He shrugged his shoulders, what did it matter, really. He knew it would happen sooner or later, and as it turned out, sooner was lot sooner than he had anticipated, so he answered, honestly, "I was just wondering what would happen when you discovered I was a fake."

"What do you mean a fake? You're not starting with that alien invasion, body swapping talk again, are you?" she asked jokingly.

He chuckled, shaking his head, "No nothing like that. No alien talk right now." He took a deep breath in before continuing, looking at the women at his side as he tried to explain, "Just that one day, probably sooner rather than later, you'll realise I am not who you thought I was, that I am not someone you could be in love with, someone you should have married. That this isn't the life I was supposed to have, that this," with his hand he motioned to himself, "_Family man_, it isn't me."

He stopped looking at her and started looking in front of him, unable to bear seeing what his words were causing her, and maybe he didn't want her to see what they were causing him. A few short breaths later, he continued, "That somewhere along the way, you'll understand that, Richard Castle, he's just not good enough for you. That you had it right to flee the first time around."

Kate let go of his hand, taking a couple of quick strides to pass him, and a couple of feet in front of him, she turned towards him, slowing down as she skated in a backwards fashion, facing him, so he couldn't escape her eyes. Grabbing both his hands in hers, she smiled encouragingly, "Rick, not with that again. I thought we were past that."

Perplexed, he asked, "What do you mean, again?"

"We've already had this conversation."

He raised an eyebrow, questioning.

"You are. You're good enough. It's good enough when you tell me you love me, good enough when you tell the kids. I don't care for all these fancy things. I don't care that I go to work every morning and you stay with the kids. I don't care that money's tight, don't care if your book don't make us a cent as long as you enjoy writing it. I don't care for anything other than waking up next to you for the rest my life, whether it be in those cheap flannel sheets or the expensive Egyptian cotton you mentioned. I just want you, and the kids, forever, all the rest is superficial. You're here, where it matters."

She stopped in her tracks, and made him stop with a hand on his chest. The other gently cupping his bruised cheek, holding his face in place, so their eyes would stare into each other's as she stated, "You stayed. Even though it was fast, even though it wasn't planned, you came back. You're not your father, Rick. You never were, and you have to let it go."

How could it be possible, she read him better than he could himself, his fears buried so deep, he'd almost forgotten they were there. He didn't know why, didn't know how, but he felt lighter than he had felt waking up, lighter than he had felt going to bed the night before, before everything happened. The pressure, the weight he'd put on his shoulders seemed to subside, and without pausing, without thinking, he pulled Kate towards him, he didn't want it to end, didn't want the feeling to abate. So he pulled her closer, the woman to whom he owed his new found state.

She smiled, contagious, as she got closer, and closer, his hand at the small of her back, itching for more. And as he gently moved a hair from her face, he felt his skates loose balance beneath him, still not completely in control, and in a second that was too quick to register, with one foot in the air, his hand steadily holding on to her, he found himself falling, his bum hitting hard on the ice as she fell ungraciously over him, laughing.

She laughed, uncensored, and he couldn't shake how beautiful she looked when she did, grabbing her with both hands, and without a second thought as to where they were, to who they were, to who _he _was, he brought their lips together.

And they had their first kiss, their first real kiss.

For the first time in a long time he felt like he was enough.

* * *

**Sorry for the slower updates.**

**Still hope you're enjoying. :)**


	8. Chapter 8

Chaos.

It was chaos. Too many people, too little space. And noise, there was so much noise, a mixture of laughter, shrieks, chatter and feet scattering on the floor.

God, their downstairs neighbors must hate them, with their thin walls, creaking floors and very loud kids.

"All the wet clothes by the door!" commanded the woman, pulling the toddler's soaked shirt over his head, her brown hair dripping on the back of her undershirt.

They had probably looked like a family of mad men on the short subway ride back to the apartment, wet and breathless. They had probably looked like the kind of people he would have rolled his eyes to, if seated next to, in a restaurant. They were loud, they were messy, and somewhere around two, he'd stopped feeling embarrassed. He'd completely lost control, and just surrendered to the chaos, to the uncontrollable.

Or maybe, they had just looked happy, because that's how he'd felt, so screw respectable; he was going to be happy.

It had started snowing, like it often did in New York City at this time of the year. He didn't know what it was about snow, what it changed in the planets' alignments, or in the tides, but one thing he knew for certain, it had some kind of magical effect on kids, both big and small. There was nothing special about the snow that had fallen, but as he pulled on the toes of his wet sock, stubbornly sticking to his foot, he started to wonder if maybe, it had snowed there for a reason.

And maybe it had worked.

Can a happy memory overwrite a horrible one? Is that how it works?

* * *

They were just following the girls, each holding on to one of their grandmother's hands, leading the way, as their troop strolled through Central Park, waiting for the effects of the hot chocolate and whipped cream the girls had gulped down, to falter, before going back to the apartment. His hand squeezed Kate's, unknowingly, as they crossed the realm of an old oak. A snow flake dropped, on his cheek, melting right under his eye, and with the feeling, familiar, he was overwhelmed with flashes, memories, buried deep in the tree's soul.

His sister's small frozen hands, reddened by the cold as he tried to keep them warm with his breath.

The pounding feeling in his thigh, where his father used to kick, where he knew it would never show.

The greyish sky showing, through the bare branches over him.

It was the tree that had been witness to the day, to their tears and hushed voices. It was the oak that had been witness to his transformation, his promise. The day where, at age 11, he was forced into becoming the man of the house. The day where he had taken it upon himself to take care of the people he loved, to prove his father wrong, to prove that he was good enough.

He let go of the hand he was holding on to too tightly, his heart pounding, as if trying to escape his body, backing a few steps. The snow started falling. It wasn't gradual, like a snowstorm usually looks like, but huge bushels of snow, falling from the sky, sticky, painting the decorum in clean, pure, whiteness.

"I love the snow!" exclaimed Gracie as she twirled, he arms extended, her tongue sticking out of her mouth, trying to catch the cold flakes.

He took a few more step backs, turning around to flee. His back to the people around him, he tried to stop the flow of memories that had once haunted his dreams. He wasn't that little boy anymore, hadn't been in a long time, but the thought of his father, it could still bring him to his knees. As he brought his hand to his face, something cold hit his back, making him turn around, as the remnants of the snowy ammunition fell to the ground. He recognised his sister's mischievous smile, unaffected.

Of course she wouldn't remember this place; she had been too young them.

But he hadn't.

Juliette crouched to the ground, picking up snow and throwing it back in the air, as Levi copied her, laughing.

His sister was still watching him, and he shook his head at her, but she only smiled again, throwing another snowball in his direction. This time he dodged it, quickly throwing one back in retaliation.

"Snowball fight!" yelled Gracie, running towards her father, with Juliette following closely behind her sister as she screamed, "I'm with daddy tooooooooo!"

Out of breath, the blond five year old extended her arms which snaked around him, as she collided with his legs. He huffed at the contact, and Alexis winked at him, glancing over, for a very quick second, to the tree.

This tree had seen enough of his tears, so breathing in, he smiled back.

Quickly, he picked up both girls under his arms and started running away. A few yards later, he, huddled close to the girls. Peaking back to the people across from them, he said, "Now that doesn't seem fair, now does it?"

"We have Grandma too," added Juliette.

"Like that's going to help."

"Be nice, _Mister _Castle," lectured Juliette pointing her finger at him.

He chuckled, "So what's the plan Officer Juliette?" he asked, his hands together, pointing to her.

"First, we need _ammonution_," stated Juliette seriously.

"Great plan. Anything else, Commander Grace?"

With a devilish laugh, the child added, "We make them suffer," as she slowly rubbed her hands together.

"Whoa kid. Stand down" he chuckled, "Let's start with the ammo," he stated, sending them out with an army salute, hand on his forehead.

Both girls smiled, skipping a few paces away before crouching to the ground, trying to pat down snow into the shape of balls in their mittens.

A few moments later, when both girls had managed to make a couple, and he had patted down a very low snow wall, he asked, motioning them to come closer, "Are we clear on strategy?"

Gracie chuckled, "Daddy, there is no strategy, we're only five. Not soldiers."

"So we throw and hope to hit someone, hide behind that tree or the wall I built, and try not to get hit?"

Both girls nodded in unison, smiling, Juliette showing him the thumbs up. He extended his hand which they both high fived enthusiastically. "Ready?" he asked, to which both girls nodded convincingly, "Attack!" he yelled and both girls started running, with a snow ball in each of their small hands.

The game involved a lot of running around, a lot of loud bursts of laughter and screaming. The twins weren't half bad. Actually they were, but they were five, had tiny arms and legs, he didn't expect them to be good, and they were having fun, so who was he to tell them otherwise? He was having a great time too.

Kate had thrown him a snowball in his face, his teeth cringed as he felt the freezing water melt down his jacket, and the smile she gave him, he shook his head, she was going to pay.

"Get her Daddy," had cried Juliette, hopping on his back, as he started running after Kate, Juliette screaming orders over his shoulder.

He stopped when he heard Gracie yell, "Daddy, help! I'm _seroonded_!" her hands in the air as Levi and Alexis circled around her, perfectly forms snowballs in their hands.

Rick turned in her direction and Juliette kissed his cheek as she jumped off his back, running away, "I got mama!" she stated as she pointed her finger to him, "Save my sister. Do whatever it takes."

* * *

They both laid, breathless, staring at the sky. Kate and the kids were a bit farther, making snow angels as Martha and Jim snapped pictures, in full grandparent mode. Alexis' face glistening under the remnants of the melted snow that he'd managed to drown her face in, as he had tackled his 23 year old sister to the ground.

"I've missed you," he stated, and it was in times like these that he realised just how much.

"What are you talking about? We saw each other yesterday at mum's," Alexis laughed.

"You know what I mean."

"Actually I don't, dork. But okay," she added bringing her hands behind her head, breathing in the cool winter air.

A few seconds of silence passed, he confessed, "You know this place. It brought up so much shit."

She smiled, encouraging, "I know. I could see. After all this time, he still has that power over you."

"I've hated this place, could never forgive him."

She turned to him, shaking her head, "I like this place."

"Yeah, well you were too young to remember that day."

"I remember it," she stated.

"You can't. You were only-"

"Three. I remember it big brother, I remember it, not all of it, but I-" she started, but was stopped by the screams of five year old Gracie, running towards them. "Fumble!" she yelled, as she proceeded to jump on him. Juliette, Levi and Kate following close behind, hopping on top of each other, until they resembled a lump of laughing bodies, huddled in the snow.

* * *

Laughter and chit chat echoed through the apartment, as two almost naked 5 year old ran across the too small apartment in their underwear.

"Girls, bath. Go," stated Kate, still at the entrance door, dealing with a squeamish Levi.

The girls stopped in their tracks, turning towards their parents, in a perfect unison that was almost scary, giving them a pout.

"Rick, can you go take care of their bath? I'll bring Levi in a sec," Kate asked.

"Hum… Don't you think that's a little out of my comfort zone?"

"No," she stated, quirking an eyebrow and giving him a little push forward.

No rest for the weary.

Just keep moving.

* * *

**Any thoughts? Love to read them.**


	9. Chapter 9

It was two days later that he was left alone to fend for himself, and for the tribe. Mama bear had been called in, and the cubs were all his.

The idea of being alone with the kids didn't seem as daunting as it had when he'd woken up, on Christmas morning, panicked. He had been given no indication he'd be going back anytime soon, and he still had no idea what "whatever it takes," could entail, but honestly, he hadn't been dwelling on it that much. He felt good and he'd been adapting. They were loud, and they were rambunctious, but they were fun, and he'd grown accustomed to the little people.

He'd also grown accustomed to Kate, to her smile, to the way she rolled her eyes at him, or bit at her lower lip, the way she kissed her son's head when he climbed all over her, desperate for her attention, or ran her fingers through her daughter's messy hair, listening to her endless babbling.

He'd probably grown more than accustomed, to Kate, to her kids, to this life, but as of yet, accustomed was how he was willing to define it.

He watched her put on her coat, flip her hair out of the collar, and he thought about how he didn't want her to leave, and he pulled her into his arms, like maybe, he could get her to stay, like maybe, he could pause this, so he'd belong here, for real.

"Babe, it's my job I have to go," she said as she pulled away reluctantly.

He smiled weakly, because that was a phrase he understood too well, and somehow he didn't. Because her job didn't mean the same as his had meant to him. He could see she loved it. Her job wasn't just the means to an end, an excuse to escape, to prove herself. It was blatantly different, yet, he understood.

Looking back to the kids, babbling merrily at the kitchen table, he sighed loudly. There were just so many of them, and only one of him.

"Hey," she said, a smile modeling her features, as she grabbed his shirt, pulling him closer, and kissing him. Her lips hovering over his, she told him, "We had three days, which is two and a half more than last year. I won't have to be on call forever, just the first few years. We'll get through this, okay."

She let go of him, grabbing the still fuming cup of coffee from the table and taking one last lingering sip. She admitted, looking to the clock, "But I really need to get going. Esposito's going to have my _butt_ if I'm late. I love him, but I swear he's always at the precinct. The guy's got no life."

She went around the kitchen table, giving each of her kids a kiss on the top of the head, ending with Rick, and a quick kiss on the cheek, as she told him, "No TV, please." She headed to the door, calling out an "I love you," before closing the door behind her.

Leaving him alone.

As if on cue, Levi started crying, but it wasn't crying as much as it was yelling, panic. Rick had tried with him, but it just seemed easier with the girls, always jumping up to the idea of helping his confused self. Maybe the toddler could sense his unease, could see past the mask he'd made for himself, see he wasn't the one he was pretending to be. Maybe he was just a mama's boy, and always had been. Or maybe, it was a combination of everything.

Juliette was patting her brother's head, whispering, "It's okay, Levi. Mama's going to be back real soon. She has to work, you know. We're with daddy, now. She's going to come back. Daddy's okay. He's going to be okay."

Her calming whispers seemed to have the desired effect, and she turned to her father, "You should pick him up, and make him bounce up and down," she explained, demonstrating the motion to her father. Shrugging her shoulders, she added, "He's just a baby."

"Hum, thanks for the advice," he said, chuckling, and quirking an eyebrow, as he picked up the boy, who squirmed uneasily in his arms.

Gracie jumped from her booster seat, excitedly going to him, she stated, feeling the need to explain, "Juliette has a theory."

"Gracie shushhhh!" exclaimed her twin sister.

"What is it?" Rick asked, amused.

Gracie pouted as she glanced over to her sister, crossing her arms over her chest, she stated, "She thinks it will make you sad if we say."

His gaze went over to Juliette, who rolled her eyes at her sister, throwing her hands in the air.

"I thought it happened like in Anastasia. You fell on your head and you forget."

It took him a moment to understand what the tiny person in front of him was trying to say. But he'd seen the Disney movie countless times with Alexis, when she'd used her devilish puppy dog eyes on him. He was surprised the girls had seen the movie, though. Looking into the pair of questioning eyes, unsure of the correct approach, he feigned, "I forgot I was a princess?"

"No, silly. You're a boy, like Levi," Gracie chuckled pointing at her brother.

"I'm a prince?" Rick asked excitingly, as both girls seemed back to their giggling selves, as they slapped their hands on their foreheads, shaking their heads. Levi giggled, in Rick's arms, as he finally stopped squirming.

Juliette sighed before explaining, her eyes wide, "You fell on your head and don't member us. You don't member who you are, that you're our daddy."

"Oh, you got that, huh?" he let out before falling silent; he felt bad for joking about it. They might be tiny human beings, but they were immensely perceptive. He'd lost his life, but they'd lost their dad, and he had been a fool for thinking, even for a slight second, he could replace him like nothing had ever happened, like they belonged to him.

"But it's okay," encouraged Gracie, taking hold of his hand, smiling, "We'll be your Dimitri. Isn't that's right, Julie?" She turned to her sister for confirmation.

The blond smiled, "Yup," and she walked up to the father who didn't remember and added "But we can't speak like them people. Only Mama can."

Gracie started laughing, "Yeah, she makes us laugh when she speaks funny. Like in the movie."

"But Levi, he's just a baby. He doesn't understand it, but it's okay we'll help you member, me and Grace," stated Juliette.

"Do you member some?" asked Gracie, hopeful.

The girls didn't speak to him out of spite; they weren't angry or even sad. They talked as if they had made it their mission to get to remember, like they'd guide him back, and he'd remember everything, a real life fairy tale. They didn't know that he did remember, and that, he would never tell. Looking into their angelic faces, he couldn't bring himself to lie, but he couldn't bear telling them the truth. He didn't think he understood it himself, so he nodded, with an encouraging smile, "I remember some, and I'm sure with the help of not _one_, but _two_ Dimitris, I'll remember in no time."

Both girls beamed proudly.

"You didn't tell your mom, right?"

Gracie's eyes widened as she shook her head. "We didn't say."

Juliette explained, "When Levi was just a tiny baby, Gracie hurt her arm in Gymnasics. Do you member?"

He shook his head.

"She fell from the bars like a pretzel. You always tell her she's part monkey. And Mama, she says it's your side showing. They had to put something on her arm and-"

"It was a cast, Juliette," stated the brunette before turning towards her father, "I had a cast on my arm." She extended her forearm to Rick, "I even have a scar. Look."

"Impressive," he nodded.

Gracie continued, "I fell real bad, bumped my head and Mama went bananas. She screamed at the coach, she screamed at the doctors and she screamed at _you_. She was scared and I don't know what. She cried real hard in your arms when we were still at the hospital. She thought I was sleeping."

"We don't like it when Mama cries. It makes us sad inside, so we kept your secret," added Julie.

"We're real good at keeping secrets," added Gracie, proudly.

He laughed, maybe to lighten the mood, maybe he just wanted to change the subject, or get the cheerful five year olds he had grown accustomed to back, "I bet you are," he said sarcastically, poking Levi's belly and making him giggle, as he added, "They sound more like blabbermouths, now don't they, Levi?"

"Hey!" both girls whined dramatically.

He smiled, and couldn't restrain himself from pulling all the kids into a tight hug, as he asked, "So? How am I doing?"

"You're doing pretty good for someone who doesn't member," stated Juliette, burying her face in her father's side.

Pulling away, Gracie stated, walking towards the living room, "We usually just watch SpongeBob in the morning."

"Nice try, princess, but mommy said no TV," replied Rick.

"Gracie, that's not very nice," Juliette lectured, and Gracie laughed, shrugging her shoulders. She had to try.

* * *

It wasn't even snack time when he'd run out of ideas, and if he was honest with himself, energy, and he slumped down on the coach. This is what happens when you wake up at five thirty in the morning. How the kids could still manage to run around was a mystery to him.

"What now?" asked Gracie.

_What now. That was a very good question._

He stared into the sea of bright blue eyes before him, and the question answered itself on its own, because he recognised these eyes. He'd stared into them before, numerous times.

He didn't know what to do with them, but surely, she would.

It was time to call the reinforcements, to get out of this apartment. It was time for his little sister to come to the rescue.

"How about we make Aunt Alexis a visit?" he asked cheerfully.

The question was answered with a sea of fists pumping in the air, of screams of joy, and "Yeah!" There was some jumping up and down, and quite powerful "Yexi!" A reaction worthy of celebrating the end of the war, and they'd seen her only 2 days ago.

Only one small, technical problem remained.

"Who knows were Alexis lives?"

Two eager hands shot in the air, and a third one shortly after, mimicking his older siblings.

"Juliette, go," said Rick pointing the girl.

"In an apartment," the girl quickly answered, proud.

He chuckled, "No, the address."

The girls shared a look, and shrugged their shoulders.

He was asking two five year olds and an 18 month old for an address. Seriously, how dumb was he?

He looked through paper in the kitchen drawers, in the papers on the office desk in the corner of the living room. No one writes letters anymore. He looked through the address book, through his cellphone, and he knew it was no use, why would he have bothered to right down the address of his sister. It was absurd.

He'd have to ask Alexis, ask her without her knowing he was asking. What kind of brother doesn't know his own sister's address?

"Who wants to speak with Alexis over the phone?"

Levi's hand was the first one in the air.

"Sorry buddy, this operation will require some talking, but we'll see her person to person later, okay?" he told the boy, pulling him in his arms.

"I want to talk to Lexi," stated Juliette.

He got his phone out, dialed his sister's line, and while it ringed, he told her, "You have to get her to tell me the address, okay? Be subtle."

She nodded, smiling.

A few ringtones later, it picked up on the other end, "Hey, big bro."

"Hi Alexis, you're on speakerphone, Juliette wanted to speak with you," he said giving the kid two thumbs up.

Alexis' tone dropped an octave, "Hey, beautiful, what is it?"

"Is it okay if we come over? Mama's working."

Alexis laughed, "And daddy's exhausted."

Gracie chuckled, "Yeah."

"No problem, kiddos. I have to be at work at three though, Rick."

"Oh, and daddy wants to know the address," added Juliette.

Alexis chuckled, "The what?"

"Ad-ress," tried Juliette again, articulating slowly.

"Well tell your dad that if he doesn't remember the place I've been living for the past 19 years. He fell on his head harder than anyone thought, and I'll have to report this to your mommy."

Rick snatched the phone, brought it to his ear, "Ha, I don't know where she got that. Of course I know where you guys live."

The 23 year old chuckled again, "I'll see you later."

"Actually, we'll be right over."

"You can try," laughed Alexis, "Anyways, we'll be here when you do."

When he hung up, he turned to Juliette, "I told you to be subtle. What was that?"

The girl shrugged her shoulders, "I don't know what that means."

* * *

**I'm sorry for this Christmas teamed story when clearly, it's not Christmas anymore. But the Castles are done celebrating Christmas, so I guessed it wouldn't matter.**

**Hope you still enjoy. Anyway, please tell me what you thought! :)**


	10. Chapter 10

Turns out getting out of the apartment, with three kids going into different directions, and only one pair of arms to steer them in the one you'd like them to go, was a sport in itself. Close to an hour later, after demystifying whose hat was whose, and learning why that scarf couldn't go with that coat. They walked out the door, after giving up on the stroller, after giving up on getting Levi to wear his hat. They walked out of the door, with Juliette's stuffed pig, with Gracie's doll, with Levi's blanket and binky, and about a thousand other knick-knacks the girls deemed necessary. They walked out with in an overflowing diaper bag, with the weight of a baby elephant, strung to Rick's shoulder.

He wasn't even one hundred percent sure the place he had in mind was actually the right one, but they were going there nonetheless. It was the 19 years that had got him thinking, because his path, somehow, somewhere along the way had diverged from the one he was living, right now. He didn't know where, didn't know when, didn't know what series of events had made it diverge, but he knew where they all had lived, these 19 years ago.

It was a short subway ride to the apartment he and Alexis had grown up in, to the apartment they had moved in to after his father had vacated, and left them with nothing, but the will to fight like hell. In this life where he was still struggling to make ends meet, where he had kids, a wife; his family still had to live in tiny, crass place.

As they stood in front of the building towering in front of them, turned towards the twins and asked, "You think this looks familiar, Juliette?"

"Yeah!" she exclaimed, pushing on the specific doorbell, like she'd done it a hundred times already. And when the buzzer roared, indicated they were good to go in, he finally breathed out. They were here; he'd made it here.

Who knew finding his sister would be so stressful? But dragging these three little bodies, uncertain, in this part of town, had a way to increase his stress levels.

Excitedly, the girls rushed in, Rick and Levi, balanced on his hip, following close behind them, and when they entered the elevator, he instinctively pushed on the 8. "Hey! That's my job!" whined Gracie, "I get to press the button!"

"Sorry, Grace," he said with a weak smile. She'd get over it.

"It's O-kay," she pouted, her arms folded over her chest, visibly, not okay.

He sighed, but the small glimmer in her eye, the way she tried to fight back the tear, had him hit by another emotion, other than annoyance, at the silliness of the situation of pressing a stupid button, that if he could he would shield the girl from sadness, from sorrow, and it was overwhelming. "Hey," he told the five year old, brushing his thumb over her cheek, encouraging, he added, "You'll get to press it on the way down."

"But that's Levi's job," she whispered, a hint of melancholy still perceivable in her tone even though she tried to hide it.

"I won't tell if you won't," he answered, winking. Shielding the boy's ears in his arms, he added, "He's just a baby."

Gracie's frown transformed to a smile, and she nodded repeatedly, as she tried to wink back, only managing to close both eyes at once, and suddenly everything was okay, for real.

They barely had time to make it to the door of the apartment before Martha pulled the door open, "My family!" she exclaimed, jokingly adding, "Richard, how nice of you to stop by with my little angels. Who could have guessed?"

"Well you know how I am," said Rick as he was pulled inside, into his mother's arms, but only for a second, as she had more important things to tend to. She was all over the kids, listening as they talked enthusiastically, nodding encouragingly, and helping them strip from their winter jackets.

His eyes widened, and he stopped untying his boots when he saw Alexis, coming out of the bedroom they had once shared as kids. She had told him she had to work, and somehow, earlier, he hadn't registered it. He certainly didn't expect her to lay a green apron on the back of the sofa, didn't expect her to be working at Starbucks. This version of himself had failed her, had failed his little sister. She was supposed to be graduating soon, focusing on acing her classes, not working to pay bills, not working to help their mother out.

Cheerfully, a smile on her lips, she came to their greeting. "Hey, my favorite people! Give me some love," said the redhead, crouching to the floor, letting the half undressed kids jump into her outstretched arms.

When the kids let go, and Martha proceeded to relieve them of their winter garments, Alexis stood back up, opening her arms once more, "You're my favorite people too, big brother. Come on."

Like hell, he should be. He had failed her, but he hugged her nonetheless, though he didn't deserve to, didn't deserve to be her favorite people. He had failed her. He had failed his mother. Was this what he was supposed to see, his still struggling family?

Because he'd already seen enough of that.

"I made Mac 'n Cheese, kiddos!" exclaimed Martha, happily, walking away.

"Yay!" exclaimed the girls as they followed their grandmother towards the kitchen.

"Still the only thing she can cook?" he chuckled.

"Only thing that's edible," answered Alexis, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek, scooping Levi up and running after her mother, leaving him alone with his thoughts, and this place.

The more things change, the more things stay the same.

He'd always convinced himself he was doing it for them, only them, and over the years, this place had transformed in his mind. He let his fingers trail the walls of the hallway, like they'd already done, countless times, and this place didn't seem as horrific as it once had. It wasn't the penthouse his mother now lived in, it wasn't the dorm room, on campus, Alexis was staying at, but he'd once called this place home, and it still felt like such, every cracking floorboard, every dent in the paint, every cracked tile, seemed like it had its own story to tell.

"You coming, daddy?" asked Juliette, her head poking out of the kitchen doorway.

He looked up to the girl and scanning his surroundings, he saw the huge textbook, lying on the living room table, and he started breathing again, not all was lost. Rick smiled, as he breathed in again, and stated, "I'm coming."

The 5 year old skipped merrily over to him, grabbed his hand and led him to the kitchen, explaining, "Grandma has food. It's your favorite, you'll see, Anastasia."

He winked at her in response, making the 5 year old giggle and he scooped her into his arms and kissed her cheek.

They walked into the kitchen, as Martha asked, "More?" to a Gracie who nodded enthusiastically.

"Do you even feed these kids?" asked his mother, jokingly, turning towards her son, as he let Juliette back down.

Before he could answer, Gracie laughed, shaking her head, "Nope."

"Heyyyyy, I fed you," defended Rick, "If I recall, you had maple oatmeal for breakfast."

"We usually get to have fruit, as a snack," she stated, confident she was going to have the last word.

"Why didn't you tell me then?"

"Forgot," said the girl with a shrug of her shoulders.

"Then you weren't starving, huh, princess?" he added cockily.

She sniffed the plate Martha had set on the table. Dramatically, Gracie used her hands so the scent would go to her nose, with her eyes closed she stated, "Well, I am now, daddy."

Such a drama queen that one.

He shook his head and smiled, "Then eat and stop talking, blabbermouth."

"Hey! I'm not!" exclaimed the girl, but she sat down nonetheless, behind her plate, beside her lookalike, and started eating.

His mother handed him a fuming plate, and it smelled so good, he was tempted to mimic the drama queen, and get one good sniff of the meal. He didn't. Instead he found the empty chair and sat down and took a bit. It still tasted amazing. Maybe it was the only thing his mother knew how to cook, but she was darn good at it. He'd even tried, on several occasions to recreate the recipe, asked the cooks, anyone, but it never tasted quite right. Only Martha had the magic touch.

"Well you didn't break any records today," stated Alexis, laughing provokingly at her brother, as she feed placed a few cooled macaroni on in front of Levi.

"What?" he asked, perplexed.

"But not by much, don't worry," she continued to laugh.

"So this is a common occurrence? Me coming here?"

"When Kate's called in and you have all three of them, yeah, pretty much every time. And by pretty much, I mean, every time."

"_Every_ time?" he asked.

"We're a handful," stated Juliette.

"Yes. Yes, you are, and we can see your _mouth_-ful," lectured Alexis.

"Yuk! Yuk! Yuk!" exclaimed Levi, throwing his pudgy arms in the air and covering his eyes.

"Oops," said the blond as she brought a hand in front of her mouth, "Sorry," she said though the words had difficulty coming out of her still too full mouth.

And what started out as a smile turned into a laugh, an easy guttural, contagious laugh.

He was home.

* * *

**Always love reading what you guys have to say. Hope you enjoyed! :)**


	11. Chapter 11

The voices on the television were becoming hazy, only sounds buried in the depths of his mind. Rick was on the verge of dozing off, his head dipping to side, his eyes starting to close, when the sound of rattling keys made him jerk up, snapping him out of his stupor.

He steadily turned around on the couch, towards the intruder, as she quietly closed the door behind her.

"Hey," she whispered, placing her bags on the floor, "Are the kids asleep?"

"Bath. Done. StorieS. Read. All three little devils are floating away in Dreamland," he stated proudly.

"Good job, Daddy," Kate replied with a smile, her voice still low. And while walking towards him, she asked teasingly, "How were Martha and Alexis?"

"This really is a recurrent thing, huh?" Rick asked, shaking his head," I'm that predictable?"

"Not as much since the girls have started kindergarten, but yes. Yes, you are," she stated, as she settled down on his lap. Facing him, her hands around his neck, Kate grinned before planting a quick kiss on her husband's lips, "Doesn't mean I love you any less, though."

With his eyes lost in hers, he laughed, because somehow, somewhere along the line these two versions of himself were the same. They had the same patterns, the same instincts. And he was predictable.

How was that even possible?

His smile continued to grow and he managed to answer, "They were fine. Great, actually. We had fun." He paused with a sigh before adding, "Alexis had to work though."

Her fingers running through his hair, she gently kissed his jaw before saying, "She's a tough cookie that one. I don't know how the girl manages, juggling it all, but she does. She's the modern life superwoman. Law school's hard… I should know."

Kate's fingers stopped their dance as she lingered on her last words.

"Hey…" he tried, not knowing where to go next, not understanding the meaning behind the words, the statement.

She shook her head and smiled, the glimmer of unhappy memories reflected in her eyes. "No, Rick. It's fine. Everything that's happened, it brought me here, brought me this," she said as she motioned around her. "It brought me you, and Grace, Juliette and Levi. I don't know why this is coming up now, but I don't want to talk about it, not now, really. It's okay. I'm okay."

He gently brushed his finger on her cheek; he knew it wasn't, she wasn't. He knew she was trying to be, but she wasn't. She wasn't completely okay, and he didn't understand it. He wanted to know what, wanted to know why. He wanted to know her, to understand her, the mysteriously beautiful, seemingly damaged woman this life had blessed him with. He wanted to bare her of all the sadness, to brush away the tears, just as he'd done earlier, to the smaller version of the woman in front of him. But he understood the torment laid deeper than the push of an elevator button, and he wanted to respect that, to respect her.

With his index, he gently placed a loose stand of hair behind her ear, and hopeful that what she wanted was a change in subject, he asked, "How was work?"

She nodded, smiling, and her head dipped forward bringing him into a grateful, lingering kiss. And when she pulled away, her face only inches from his, Kate couldn't contain her excited grin, all traces of sorrow dissipated from her features, and Rick arched an eyebrow, inquiring.

She chuckled, answering, "Would you judge me if I answered, awesome?"

"Why? Because you qualify murder as fun? Never."

"Shut up," she said, as she playfully pushed his shoulder, "I got lead detective on the case today."

"That _is_ awesome. So did you arrest the perp?"

"The _perp_?"

"Yeah. Well, you know, the pipehead, pisshead, orc, creek, crook, knucklehead, chucklehead, curd, turd-"

"Suspect," she interrupted, "We call them suspects."

"Boring."

With her chin rested on his shoulder, her eyes piercing into his, Kate kissed his shoulder and, in turn, asked, "And how were the kids?"

"Would you judge me if I answered, awful?"

"Yes," she answered, glaring him down.

"Good," he chuckled, "'cause they weren't. They were great, like always."

She smiled. "That's more like it," she added, and after a quick kiss, she got up.

"Hey!" he cried, craving the contact.

"Relax, I'm just going to check up on my babies. To make sure they still have all their limbs," she added with a wink. "I'll be right back."

He looked at her, pouting, using the sad puppy dog eyes the kids were so good at, and she shook her head smiling, "And I'll be back for you." She kissed him once more and added, "Right back, babe. Promise."

* * *

Kate came out of the girls' room a couple minutes later, to find her husband already on the verge of dozing off, in front of the TV. Tiptoeing to him, she stopped behind the couch, and without a sound, placed her hands over his eyes.

He jerked up, in one swift motion. "Shit. Kate," he panted.

She chuckled, taking her hands off his eyes, and snaked her arms around his broad shoulders. Her lips close his ear, she whispered, "Close them, and keep them closed."

"Kate…"

She kissed his cheek, ordering, "Just do it."

"But-" he started arguing.

"Shhhh!" she called from behind him. "The kids are sleeeeeping, _member_?" Kate added mimicking her girls.

He closed them, and kept them closed, just like she'd asked. He had no idea what to expect, and had no idea what he expected. As he did, he heard her shuffling through the bags he'd seen her put down earlier. He heard her feet scurry across the floor, and a few seconds later, she told him, "Okay, open them."

Rick opened his eyes and was faced with Kate, holding a Macy's bag, dangling it in front of him. Slowly, he took it from her hands, suspicious.

She jumped on the couch beside him, excitedly explaining, "I know we said we weren't buying each other stuff for Christmas, and we were spending it on the kids, but I got you something earlier today."

"Kate, no. You shouldn't have."

"Well, it's for the both of us, so it doesn't count, okay? Just open it," she said excitedly.

He smiled and opened the bag, to reveal some bed sheets. He pulled them out, not too sure what to make of them.

She laughed at his reaction, "You were pretty out of it on Christmas morning, but you mumbled something about our sucky bed sheets. I couldn't resist."

Three days ago seemed like an eternity, and the morning he had woken up, in this life, was a bit foggy. In fact, it was more than foggy. His head had been going a million different directions at the time, and he couldn't remember what he'd said or why, but he knew it wasn't important. It couldn't have been.

"Kate, I was being stupid. I don't need these. You shouldn't-"

"But I did. So shut up about it," she continued, and explained, "I went to the store earlier, to buy the girls leotards while they're on sale, even though they haven't outgrown their current ones yet, and the sheets were just staring at me on display, 50% off. So don't worry, we aren't any more broke than we already were. Kids will not be sleeping on the streets."

He felt fabric between his thumbs, and smiled. He looked over to Kate, so happy to be giving him these sheets, even though they could hardly afford them, even though he'd been insulting when he'd mentioned the sheets, even though he was probably the shadow of the man she was expecting him to be.

She smiled, and slowly moved closer towards him, "We deserve a little bit of luxury, once in a while, don't we Mr. Castle?"

"You're luxury enough, _Ms._ Castle, but thank you."

"Nice try, very nice try."

She smiled biting at her lower lip, "Want to test drive these bad boys?"

"Yes! Sleep sounds awesome. I'm exhausted. I swear, I love those kids, but they're going to be the death of me."

"Not what I was going for, but sure, we can sleep. If you're that exhausted," Kate said as she got up.

"Hey!" he said, as he grabbed her by the waist and brought her back down, so she'd be seated on his lap, and he kissed her, and when they broke apart, he went at it again, craving her mouth on his.

As they broke apart again, panting, Rick took the linens in his hands and asked, "But shouldn't we like, wash them first?"

Kate took them from his hands and threw the pack at the other end of the couch. "Just shut up, and follow me," she ordered him, grabbing his hand.

And with that she led them to their bedroom, gently closing the door behind them.

* * *

**Thoughts? Comments?**

**I had a tough time getting this one out, hope you enjoyed. Love hearing from you guys. **


	12. Chapter 12

New Year's Day came and went, the tree and the decorations were taken down, and soon enough, he found himself alone with Levi, and his untouched book, during the day. The girls had kindergarten, and Kate, most days, had to work. Kate left with the girls in the morning, dropped them off at school, and he didn't have to leave the apartment until 2:00 to pick them up, after naptime.

He couldn't say how long he'd been seated on the couch, the unopened manuscript on his lap, with Levi playing with his building blocks quietly beside him. He had been sure he'd succeed this time, that he'd read his book, or at least a chapter, or a page, a title, anything.

But he was afraid, terrified of what he'd find.

Because, what if this was no different? What would he do then? Could he do it all, again?

He hadn't managed to read a single word of the book they were throwing him a party for, only stared at it blatantly, when the alarm on his phone resonated through the apartment. He sighed; disappointed that he'd failed, that he couldn't get past it.

He picked up the pages, and meticulously placed them on the coffee table, staring at the words printed black on white one final time as he got up.

"Okay, Levi," he called out as he clapped his hands together. "Time to go get your sisters. You ready?"

"Yes!" exclaimed the boy, while hitting the blocks in his tiny hands onto the ones on the floor.

"I'll get the bag. You get Mr. Stinky," he told the toddler, as he propelled him to his feet and watched him run to his bedroom.

Rick now had the routine, perfectly incrusted in his brain, and he went to the kitchen, took out the snacks he's prepared earlier, and stuffed them in the bag. He then went to the entrance closet, and took out an extra pair of mittens for the girls.

"Levi? Where are you at, buddy?" Rick called out.

"White heaw!" exclaimed the boy, his stuffed rabbit in his arms, as he ran to his father, failing to stop and crashing into his legs.

"Great use of your words, Levi!" praised Rick. "Now let's get you all bundled up. It's freezing!" he added, picking up the boy in his arms.

"Brrrrrr" shivered the boy, dramatically.

"Brrrrr is right, my man!"

* * *

Rick and Levi waited patiently by the gate as he waved goodbye to some of the girls' friends and their parents. This wasn't an uncommon occurrence, the twins always made it a point to make him wait, taking their sweet time getting out the door. Always talking too much instead of getting dressed. Always the last ones out. Always.

But he didn't mind, he had time. He had all the time in the world.

_He hadn't worked on his "next" book, hadn't even opened the computer, fearing it would be staring back at him if he did, and it would somehow eat him alive. _

_How could he, when he still hadn't read the book he'd apparently managed to get a publishing deal on, didn't even have the heart to read the premise? How could he when this book, the idea of it, of failing, it terrified him?_

_It was like the giant elephant in the room that was this life, and he wanted nothing to do with it. He could get used to this life, this life of simplicity, of laughs, of family, of love… if it wasn't for the darn book, if it wasn't for this job. The idea of writing again, it terrified him, but most of all, he hated lying to Kate about it. It wasn't going well, contrary to what he'd been telling her; it wasn't advancing. In fact, it wasn't going at all. He felt bad for doing nothing, letting her take care of their family, going to work every day, coming home exhausted, and never once complaining. Every time she came home and the kids were in bed he felt bad, every time she fell asleep before having the time to change he felt terrible. _

_But he'd given up on this dream. He had decided he wouldn't give him anymore reasons to look down to him, a long time ago. He had decided that he would beat him, and then just then, maybe, he could move on._

Rick was shifting from one foot to the other, pushing the stroller back and forth. He was trying to keep warm in the freezing weather while entertaining a conversation with Mr. Michel, as the girls would call him, the elderly yard monitor, in charge of the gates and seeing the kids out, as he'd often do, waiting for Gracie and Juliette.

At that, he made a mental note never to move to Canada.

He envied Levi, cozily bundled up in the stroller, and when the toddler started squirming, trying to escape the warm confinement, Rick explained, "No, no, little man, you don't want to do that, believe me. It's very cold. Isn't that right, Mr. Michel?"

The man nodded, "Your father is right Mr. Levi, it is very cold today. Better not get your nose out of there."

Rick smiled as the boy sat back down, mesmerized by the old man's tone. Looking back up, he saw a small figure, all dressed in pink, running towards them, and he squinted, searching, because usually, during this part of the day, he'd start seeing double, and he wasn't.

He gave Mr. Michel a look, and the old man shrugged his shoulders.

"Daddy!" the brunette exclaimed gravely, as she grabbed his hand, pulling him in the yard and towards the school.

His heart was beating out of his chest, panic rising as he followed the child, manoeuvring the stroller as best he could in the snow. He wasn't sure his 30 year old heart was going to make it.

Of course, the five year old chose this moment, the only moment, to keep quiet, when his mind was going a hundred different directions, his thoughts going from bad to worse. He cried out, "Grace Castle. Talk!"

"It's Juliette!" the girl stated.

"Yeah, I got that!" he snapped.

Gracie huffed, pouting until, a couple minutes later, they, in silence, got to the school infirmary.

"Daddy!" whimpered the blond, a bloody lip, a nasty cut and reddened eyes decorating her face, as she sat on the examination table. Juliette, with the back of her hand, wiped the fresh tears from her stained cheeks and extended her arms to him.

The nurse moved aside when, immediately, Rick lunged forward, huddling Juliette closely in his arms, his hand rubbing her back. "Hey, honey. It's okay. You're okay," he whispered as he gently kissed the side of her head, nestled in the crook of his neck.

"Julie, booboo?" inquired Levi, from his stroller.

"Yes, Julie has a booboo," confirmed Gracie.

Rick turned towards the nurse and asked, "What happened?"

"She fell down the stairs and-" started the older twin.

"Gracie, let the lady talk, okay?"

"But. But. I was there! I saw, and I ran super-fast to tell Ms. Colleen."

"And what a great job that was. Now, sit. Let Ms. Colleen explain, please," Rick interjected as he ran his fingers through Juliette's hair.

"It was a nasty fall, but she'll be okay," stated the nurse.

Gracie crossed her hands over her chest pouted as she sat down on the chair next to them, but he didn't see her. He wasn't registering much of what was happening, as his heart beat started to slow down, rocking the child in his arms as if she was an infant.

Then changing her tone of voice, the nurse asked the girl, "Juliette, honey? Can you sit back down on the table for me?"

The five year old shook her head, tightening her gripe on her father's neck, unwilling to cooperate. Rick looked over at Ms. Colleen, asking with his eyes if really, it was necessary to put her down because he didn't know if he had it in him to pry the shaking, crying child from his arms.

"Mr. Castle, the bloody and swollen lip is due to her teeth biting through when she fell. One tooth is chipped from what I could see, but she still has her baby teeth so it isn't dramatic. The cut on her eyebrow, on the other hand, I need make sure isn't too deep, and I need to disinfect the other scrapes too."

That was her answer to his unasked question. Yes, it was necessary.

Juliette shook her head again, and started crying with more intensity as Rick tried, in vain, to unglue her from his chest.

"Julie, you have to let go, please," he softly encouraged.

"I don't wanna," she cried, the sounds muffled in her father's tear stained coat.

Quickly, Gracie popped out of the chair, and climbed up the table, "Julie, I'll be right here with you. I'll hold your hand, or you can hold mine. You can hold on real hard if you want."

Juliette sniffed a few times as Rick sat her on the table, and she whispered, "But it hurts."

"It's okay. I know, Julie. But you can be brave, cause you _are_ brave. You're the bestest and the bravest," Grace stated as she grabbed her twin's hand.

The nurse's fingers trailed over Juliette's forehead, and the girl flinched at the touch, "Yeah there's going to be some bruising," stated the nurse as she looked over to Rick, who sighed in response, talking in the extent of the girl's injuries. It really had been a nasty fall.

"A bruise is okay," Gracie explained her sister, "Levi gets them all the time when he bumps into things and falls. Even daddy, at Christmas, member?"

"Right," encouraged Rick, lightly adding, "We're like a family of boxers."

"Like the dog?" tried Juliette, a small smile forming at her lips.

"No" he chuckled, "Not like the dog, like the sport." He gave a few small air punches in demonstration, before giving in, "Never mind."

Tears started flowing out of the girl's deep blue eyes as the nurse dabbed some Rubbing Alcohol on the wounds.

"Hey, hey," he whispered, "We can be the dogs if you prefer."

The girl nodded, as tears streamed onto her cheeks, unable to control them. The nurse placed a Band-Aid over the cut above her eye and Juliette whimpered, hiccups in between her words, "Daddy. I. Want. To. See. Mama."

"All done," mouthed the nurse as she gave him a thumbs up.

Rick smiled, and mouthed a thank you, picking Juliette back up.

"She's at work Julie. How about we call her?"

"It's. Not. The. Same," the girl cried into her father's shoulder, "It hurts." She paused, hiccupping a few times, as to control her sobs, before pleading, "Please, daddy."

"We don't need mommy, Julie. We'll see her later, okay? Remember we're like the family of Boxers. You and me."

"Julie would a dog cheer you up?" tried Gracie, jumping off from the table, wanting to be helpful.

Juliette sniffed, and nodded, "I like dogs."

"Mama, it is!" exclaimed Rick.

* * *

**Any thoughts, guys? PS. I love you all for taking the time to read.**

**This was initially meant to be half of the chapter, but ended up being too long, so I made into a full chapter. Hope it feels enough! ;)**


	13. Chapter 13

Strollers, kids and crowded subways weren't the best of combinations, but Rick powered through, because she'd asked, because she'd pleaded and cried, and because he just couldn't say no, not now, not ever.

They only had two stations left before they could get out of the smell-invested, overly-crowded cabin. Gracie's wrinkled nose and pout, told him it wasn't just his fancy ways surfacing back up, his distaste for public transport getting the best of him; something or someone definitely stank. With his back against the cabin wall, his arms were getting heavy, were starting to fatigue, but he didn't have the heart to put her down or move her, not when she clung to him like a hurt baby Koala, not when she needed him to hold her, to make her feel safe.

Juliette's breathing was slowing down and, on the verge of sleep, she mumbled, in his neck, with her eyes sluggishly closing, "I love you, daddy."

It was in that moment, with one arm around the now quiet Juliette, his free hand on the boy's stroller's, holding it in place, with a surprisingly calm Gracie and her crinkled nose, looking around, that he realised he was more than just accustomed to this life, to these kids. He deeply cared for them, for their wellbeing, their happiness. The same love he had for his mother, for his sister, only different this time.

In that moment of clarity, he gently rested his head on the girl's and whispered in her hair, "I love you, too."

And he meant it.

* * *

With Gracie helping him push her brother's stroller, and Juliette, now peacefully asleep in his arms, Rick walked up to the front desk of the precinct, hoping for information on how to find the woman that was his wife.

He stopped in front of the young officer in uniform, sitting behind the desk, and started, "Hi, I'm look-"

The woman's head popped up with a smile. Getting to her feet and looking down, over the desk, she exclaimed, cutting him off, "Wow! Look how big the girls have gotten! And the little guy in the stroller must be the last one. Beckett was unbearable with that one, but I don't have to tell _you _that, now, do I? They're precious! What's the little one's name, again? I know, I know, but I can't recall. There's Grace. There's Juliette. Blank, it's blank, I can't remember."

Rick nodded, smiling uneasily, at the super-human, who should have taken a breath somewhere in that extremely fast paced monologue. Gracie's eyes had widened as she smiled shyly, then looked up to her father for confirmation, that the woman wasn't crazy, that it was okay to talk. Only he couldn't give it to her; he had no idea who the woman was, but he assumed it was okay to talk, so he smiled encouragingly in response nonetheless.

Gracie, content with the visual statement of approval, stated, "Yes that's my brother, Levi. He's a baby."

"I can see that, thank you, Gracie," laughed the officer. She turned to Rick and asked, "I assume you're looking for Beckett?"

"Please tell me she's here," he pleaded. It hadn't even occurred to him until just then, that she might be out, following a lead or chasing down a suspect. It hadn't occurred to him that maybe she wasn't here. He should have texted first.

He added, "We had a little mommy emergency," as he turned around to show the woman the sleeping blonde, and pulling her winter coat down from her face.

"Poor baby!" exclaimed Officer Hastings, bringing her hand to her mouth.

"We're not babies. Levi is. We're five," stated Gracie, showing off a hand with five fingers to the officer.

The officer smiled at Gracie, and nodded, "She's probably at her desk. They haven't caught any fresh one in days."

"Thanks," he said as he walked away from the desk. When, confident, he turned in the wrong direction Officer Hastings called out his error, chuckling, "Up the elevator to the 6th, Rick. Like usual!" She pointed him in the right direction.

"Right," he acknowledged, turning around in his steps, in the right direction, and towards the elevator he had just passed by. He didn't even have to call it. The box was waiting for them to step right in.

"Number 6," he told the brown-haired girl, who was happy to oblige. She jumped to the board and pressed the button, smiling as the number lit up before her and the doors closed shut. Gracie walked back to her father, and snuggled to his side until the elevator dinged, announcing their arrival on the predetermined floor. Gracie quickly fled away, and instantly, he missed the contact.

Stepping out, Rick scanned the open room, and spotted Kate, huddled over some paperwork, her hair in a ponytail, preventing it from hiding her beautiful, concentrated features.

The "Mama!" that was overheard soon afterwards broke the woman's intense concentration and the metamorphosis of Kate's features had him happy he hadn't texted or called, making him a witness to this charmed moment, to this loving smile. He watched from afar as Kate's eyes widened and a smile formed at the sight of her daughter. Her smile continued growing as she turned in her chair and opened up her arms, inviting the bouncing, curly haired girl to jump in.

Kate's eyes met with his as she kissed her daughter's temple, sprawled across her arms, and she gave him a smile as he walked towards them.

Before Rick had gotten to them, Gracie jumped out of her mother's arms and ran to a man, as he exited the break room. "Uncle, Javi!" exclaimed the girl.

"Hey, Shorty!" greeted the detective, meeting her halfway.

"I'm not short!" exclaimed Gracie. "You're short!" she chuckled.

"Yeah?" inquired Esposito. "Try this," he told the girl extending his palm, high in the air, an unreacheable high-five.

"Hey! That's not fair!" scolded Gracie, her hands on her hips.

The second detective, who had vacated his desk at the sound of the kids, quickly came up behind her and booster her up, as she shrieked with laughter, slapping Esposito's hand as hard as she could.

"Ouch!" faked Esposito, shaking his hand.

"You're okay! Don't be a _baby_!" exclaimed Gracie, laughing loudly as Ryan dropped her into his partner's arms.

"How to disrupt a precinct in 30 seconds, by Grace Castle," stated Kate, rolling her eyes but smiling knowingly.

"Hi mama. Mama, hi. Ma-ma," babbled the toddler repeatedly, to his mother who had unbuckled him from the stroller and was holding him in her arms.

"Hi Levi, hi, Levi, hi," mimicked Kate, rubbing her nose with her son's.

"Hey, Castle," Esposito said, shaking his hand friendlily, as he balanced Gracie on his hip.

"Did you catch any bad guys today, Uncle Javi?"

"Only one," he answered, walking back to his desk.

"Really?"

"Yup. She's short; she's five, and he has those breathtaking blue eyes."

"Hey! I'm not a bad guy!"

"Who says I was talking about you?"

"You were."

"I was," he added, tickling her sides, making her burst out into laughter, to the amusement of a room full of NYPD detectives.

"Are we interrupting?" asked Rick, uncomfortable, seeing the disruption their entrance had caused.

"Paperwork. Long, boring day. So, welcome distraction, I'd call it," she simply stated.

"Yes, I need the distraction indeed! Thanks, Castle," exclaimed Ryan. "Come on, buddy, you're with me now," he said as he took Levi from Kate's arms.

"He's sneaky, Ryan. Don't let him wander off. He's faster than last time he came," warned Kate.

Levi giggled in the detectives arms.

"Yeah, you're sneaky, sneaky. The silent ninja, as your father calls you," she said as she tickled his tummy and kissed his cheek.

"Seriously, Ryan don't let the doe eyes and tiny legs fool you," she added before swiftly turning towards her husband.

"We're kind of taking over the precinct, aren't we?" he asked.

"Montgomery loves them. It's a slow day. He won't mind."

"Good, 'cause it was either this or a dog."

"What?"

He shook his head, "Long story."

"No offense, Rick, but you look exhausted. Our progeny getting the best of you?"

"Yeah, that's not it. 40 pounds is plenty heavy. I think my arms are about to fall off."

"She asleep?" she asked, placing a hand on the girl's back and kissing her husband's cheek. "I always said these arms were comfortable."

"Yeah, well, crying can be exhausting."

"She was crying?" she asked surprised. Juliette wasn't one for tantrums.

"Yeah. There was a bit of a mommy emergency," he told her, relieving the 5 year old of her hat, as he turned his back to Kate, so Juliette would be facing her mother.

Kate gasped, "Rick, what happened?"

She brushed her finger over her daughter's cheek, who stirred slightly in her father's arms, before her eyes flustered open. "Mama?" Juliette asked, sleepily.

"Hey, sweetie."

"Mama, I hurt my face. I hurt my arm."

"I can see that. How about we free daddy's arms, huh?"

The girl nodded and her father slowly but her to the ground, stretching his arm once they were free of the weight.

Juliette rubbed her still sleepy eyes and hugged her mother's thighs, tightly.

"So you didn't come all the way over here for my sparkling personality?" Kate joked.

"I wish."

Kate picked her daughter up, examining her cuts and bruises before sitting back on the chair, with her daughter seated on her lap, she asked her, "What happened, Julie? You get in a fight?"

The girl chuckled softly, shaking her head, "I never fight, mama."

"Of course you don't."

"I fell down the stairs and it hurt my face. It hurt my arm too. I have some booboo's. See?" she added, pointing to the Band-Aid over her eyebrow.

"You're okay," stated Kate, gently kissing Juliette's forehead.

Turning towards her husband, Kate asked, as her fingers soothingly running through her daughter's hair, "Is it okay that she slept? What about a concussion?"

"Nurse said there were no signs of one. She said to stay alert within the next 24 hours, but sleeping is fine, as long as she doesn't have trouble waking up."

"And what does she know? She's a nurse. She's a public school nurse," criticized the detective.

"Kate, she was plenty competent."

Juliette, looking up, straight into her eyes, "Mama?"

"Yes?"

The five year old placed a hand on her mother's shoulder as she explained, "I cried. But I'm be all better now."

"Thanks, sweetie," Kate smiled," Does it hurt?"

"Yeah." Juliette admitted softly.

"Where?"

Juliette's hand found its way to the bump on her forehead that was starting to bruise, and Kate arched an eyebrow as she looked to Rick.

"Kate it's a bruise of course it hurts, it doesn't mean anything," he stated.

Kate nodded, "There are some ice-packs in the freezer of the break room."

He nodded and smiled, it was a reasonable demand. Kate added, "Mind also checking up on the guys? If they have work, take the kids in the break room, I'm pretty sure there are still some puzzles in the cupboard."

"Sure."

"Mama, can I stay with you?" asked Juliette, hopeful.

"If you're quiet, you may, Julie. But on your own chair. Mommy has a couple things to finish. And Rick, if you give me about 30 minutes, I can leave with you guys."

"Wouldn't have it any other way."

"Maybe then we could stop at the morgue, ask-"

"Kate."

"What?"

"She's fine."

"It wouldn't hurt."

"You want to bring your kids to a morgue? And you don't see the flaw in that?"

"Ahh, just go."

He smiled, as he walked away, because, he wasn't entirely sure of it, but to him, it seemed like he'd won that one, and it felt surprisingly good.

* * *

**Any thoughts, guys? Lots of characters at the same time in this one, had a hard time with the coordination of them all.**

**I still love you all for reading! :)**

**This story is slowly coming to the end I had planned, _hopefully_ it will be done before spring arrives! -.-**


	14. Chapter 14

Richard Castle had come to love the old mattress, had come to be grateful for the sagging in the middle that would make Kate slowly dip towards him. He loved that old thing, because, even on the nights where they fell asleep, a million miles apart, they'd wake-up, somehow, huddled together in the center of the bed. And it was exactly how they were, when Rick's eyes slowly opened; Kate's face, beautiful, snuggled up into his shoulder, her hand, rested on his abdomen, as it followed the movements of his breaths.

His eyes took a moment to adjust to the still darkened room, and slowly he moved his head, to see over his wife's head, to the alarm clock on her side of the bed.

The illuminated digits stared back at him.

5:37

He watched the ceiling, pensive, for a moment, unable to fall back to sleep. He dipped his head to the side, his cheek buried in her hair and he watched, he felt, the woman at his side, peacefully sleeping. He listened to her even breaths and slowly trailed his fingers up and down her bare arm.

And he smiled.

Because it truly was a wonderful life.

He hesitated for a second. There was a rule about the girls not being allowed to get up before the first number on their clock indicated a 6, but he assumed this rule didn't apply to him.

He made the rules.

Slowly, he moved from the bed, delicately extracting himself from Kate's grip. She squirmed, babbling something softly, and he instantly stopped moving. Her eyes flustered open for a second, before closing back, and when he was sure she's fallen back to sleep, he proceeded to exit their bedroom, quietly closing the door behind him, before sitting in the living room.

If he wanted this life, this wonderful life, wanted these kids, this wife, he needed to tackle his fear. He needed to face the demons that had taken root long, long ago.

And it started with this book, with this manuscript.

And it started now.

Rick took the pile of sheets pinned together, from under the coffee table, and read the first page, a title centered in the middle of a blank page.

"In a Hail of Bullets"

And he turned the page.

* * *

He hadn't heard her get up, hadn't heard her come out of the bedroom and close the door behind her. He hadn't heard any of it, as Rick was avidly reading, quickly turning, page after page, devouring the manuscript that had him paralysed for weeks, years if he could be honest with himself. A book which had him paralysed, as he heard the voices in his head telling him, over and over again, that he wasn't good enough, that it was a waste of time, that he was a waste of time.

Rick was startled out of David McAllister's world of intrigue and deceit, when Kate softly called out, "Hey, handsome," as she strolled across the living room towards him, closing the robe tightly across her body.

"You were up early this morning," she stated, her arms snaking around him from behind, enveloping him in that faint smell of cherries. "Re-reading the Best-Seller now are we? Don't you know it by heart by now?"

He chuckled, kissing her cheek, "I don't know about that Best-Seller bit, but I have to admit it's not too bad."

"Not too bad? Argh. Rick. It's great," Kate said as she kissed his shoulder, resting her chin on it.

"I don't think you're being objective."

"I'm no _literary critic,_ but I do love it, and I'd love it even if the man holding the pen wasn't my husband. And someone agrees with me if they're willing to publish it." Quirking and eyebrow, she asked, defiant, "How about you?"

"I don't think I'm objective either."

"Are you kidding? You're the toughest critic _I_ know. Burned three manuscripts before believing in this one, before allowing me or your sister to read any of the words you've put to paper. Stop being so hard on yourself."

"I think I like it," he stated simply.

"That's more like it," she added, gently bumping the side of her head with his and pulling away.

Rick shot back his head on the back lining of couch, asking, "Spidey kiss?"

She chuckled, and grabbed his face in her hands and kissed him. Her face hovering over his, she added, "And babe, even _if_ it does turn into a best-seller, even if you become the next freakin' J.K. Rowling, it doesn't mean he's going to have anything positive to say about it. Concentrate on the people that love it, that love you. Concentrate on you and me. Okay?"

He nodded.

It should be enough for him; she could be enough for him. He wanted her to be.

"Coffee?" she asked, as she went to the kitchen.

"Do you even have to ask?" he chuckled, to which she smiled.

He added, "And why are _you_ up so early? It's Saturday, and this is your day off. You can go sleep in. I'll deal with the kids when they wake up. You deserve a break, Kate."

"Can't," she stated, shaking her head.

"And why not?"

"Your mother's Christmas gift, 9:30," she stated, walking back, and falling backwards on the coach next to him, as the distant sound of the dripping coffee echoed behind them.

He shrugged his shoulders, oblivious.

"The girls' first piano lesson is this morning, courtesy of Martha Rodgers," Kate stated, and, changing her tone in an attempt to imitate Martha's dramatic introduction, she added, "For my future Broadway co-stars." Rick laughed as Kate continued her imitation of the red-head, "La crème de la crème!"

"And if I'd closed my eyes, I probably couldn't hear the difference!" he laughed.

"That's what they say, huh? Boys marry their mothers," she teased.

"That's eum... Yeah… I…" He shook his head, his eyes wide, "No. Ewe."

She laughed, shortening the distance between their bodies and placing her arms loosely around his neck, as Rick stated, "You're the farthest thing from my mother."

"Yeah, well we both love you."

"And the resemblance ends there," he stated pulling her into a kiss.

One hand around his neck, resting on his shoulder, she turned her head in the kids' rooms' direction and Rick kissed her cheek, "What is it?" he asked.

"Shh. I think Levi's waking up."

"I don't hear a thing," he shook his head.

They both froze for a couple of seconds, listening intently, until the rattling of the crib bars became clearer, and the increasing in volume pleas from the toddler where heard, "Mama? Ma-ma? Mama, out! Levi out, ma-ma."

"You have bionic ears or what?" Rick exclaimed.

"No, I have mommy ears," she simply stated. "I'll go help him with his prison escape before he wakes up the-"

Before Kate could finish her statement, they saw the door knob to the girl's room turn, and Juliette walked out, closely followed by Gracie who informed her mother, "Mama, Levi wants to get out I think."

"Thanks, honey," said Kate, kissing both her girls good morning before slipping away and retrieving her youngest.

Rubbing the sleep out of their eyes, the girls walked to their father and huddled closely to his sides, and when Kate came back, about a minute later, with her son hugged to her neck, gently patting her cheek, desperate for her attention, Rick stated, "You know I could take the girls to piano. You could relax, stay here with Levi," as both, still sleepy, girls sat on him.

"I actually thought we could make a day out of it. It's in midtown. We could stroll down Central Park, if it's too cold maybe catch a movie. I've been on call every week-end for the past three weeks, I've seen enough _bodies_, I could definitely use this."

* * *

So they made a family outing out of the girl's first piano lesson, all five of them had found themselves crammed in a tiny studio in midtown. In the hallway, waiting as they'd been told by the young girl at the entrance, until a boy, no more than ten years old, exited the room, followed by a severe looking woman. She turned towards them, and all stopped talking simultaneously under her persistent stare, and Rick gave her a shy smile.

"Grace and Juliette Castle?" she asked, serious, clapping her hands together.

The five year old slowly nodded, in unison.

"I'm Madame Hubert," the dark haired, pale skinned woman added, and the twins looked up to their mother, their eyes wide.

Running a protective, comforting hand through her daughter's hair, Kate answered for them, presenting them, in turn, "And this is Gracie, and this is Juliette."

The girls remained frozen in place, and the woman's strict features softened, "Well come on, mes cheries, I'm not going to eat you. Pas vrai, maman?"

Kate nodded, giving her daughters a little push in the back towards the woman.

"Parfait. Who wants to be the first to start, mes jolies?"

The twins shared a look, and Gracie shyly raised her hand.

"Great!"

The girls looked back to their mother, extending their hands so she would take it.

Madame Hubert shook her head, "I usually get a lot more out of the kids without the parents present. No distractions. No pressure."

The girls looked from their mother, to their teacher, and back again.

"D'accord. Maman, you can join. Mais juste cette fois."

Kate gave her husband an awkward smile as she followed the girls and the piano teacher, to the piano room, and the door shut beside them.

Rick let out a breath he did not know he'd been holding, without fully understanding why, he started laughing, a hysterical, uncontrolled laughter. He didn't know how he could have expected anything less from his mother.

Levi, out of his stroller squealed in excitement. Rick, unable to contain himself, let his back slide across the wall, until he was seated on the floor, his head between his knees, trying to control his erratic breaths, as Levi mimicked his father's actions.

"What funny, Daddy? What funny?" asked the boy.

"That was one scary lady, son!"

"Monster! Roar!" Levi exclaimed, as he shot up.

"Not scary enough, Levi!"

The walls weren't quite as thick as he thought, and Kate dashed out, angry, "Rick, we can hear you! Quite loudly in fact!"

"Sorry," Rick said.

"Sowy, mama," Levi said, giving his mother a cute smile.

The toddler put his hands over his ears, "No!" before running to his mother. Kate shook her head, as her son hugged her legs, hoping for forgiveness, "Why don't you find somewhere to wait for us, out of this building. Where we won't hear you complain, and we won't hear Levi scream our ears off."

"We can do that," Rick said, looking over to Levi, who was shaking his head, his hands still covering his ears, repeating, "No yano. I no yano."

Kate checked her watch, stating, "It's Saturday, so Alexis is doing her usual shift, it's not very far from here, maybe you guys could-"

"Yexis!" interrupted Levi. He apparently had very selective hearing.

"Looks like we have a taker," chuckled Rick.

"Big surprise there," added Kate, sarcastically, as she kissed the top of her son's head, picking him up and handing him over to her husband. After quickly kissing his lips, she asked, "So we'll come meet you after this?"

* * *

**I have to thank CaskettFan5. Without him, I'd still be overthinking it!**

**You guys have any thoughts? I'll love you even if you don't. :)**


	15. Chapter 15

There were too many coffee shops in New York City, way too many red dots staring back at him on his phone, just too many. Kate was the detective, not him, he was writer, or a publisher, or whatever the hell he was…

He didn't know how, he, was supposed to pick the one, between the abundancy of places, where he would find his sister.

That is, until one particular spot seemed to catch his attention.

One jumped out at him, one he thought he recognised. One that was close enough to where he was standing, right now, in the cold streets of Midtown, as fogged breaths escaped his mouth. One where he'd stood, a couple weeks ago, when everything had changed.

He had the strange feeling he'd find his sister there. So, with Levi in tow, he started walking towards the shop, where he'd last seen the old version of himself, where he'd been given a chance to start over.

As Rick turned the corner, he saw the glimpse of a man, red suit and jolly, and he had the reflex to turn the other way, his heart beating out of his chest, he stopped, frozen in place, until a second later the man was gone, just an illusion gone with the wind. There were no ringing bells, no bearded men on the sidewalk, nothing but the usual pedestrian traffic of New York City, as he made his way to the Starbuck's entrance. He looked over the heads of the people waiting in line, and sure enough, he spotted his favorite red-head. Busy, Alexis didn't seem to notice them, so he and Levi inserted themselves in the line and patiently waited for their chance at a face to face with the woman.

And only when it was his turn to order, did his sister spotted him. Her tired features brightened, as she faced her brother and nephew, "Levi, buddy! Rick! What are you doing here?"

"Girls had their first piano lesson, teacher kicked us out. We were being loud," he simply stated, shrugging his shoulders innocently as he picked his son up.

The 23 year old laughed, "Oh, that's right! « La crème de la crème ! »" she exclaimed. "Latte?"

"Yes, please. And chocolate milk and a muffin for Levi. Any kind."

"Coming right up!" she said with a wink. "I'll take my break in a couple minutes. I'll come join you guys. You waiting for Kate and the girls here, I take it?"

* * *

He had placed the muffin in front of the toddler, who was digging through, and had pulled out the manuscript he had started reading in the morning from the lower basket of the stroller. He had just uncapped his pen and turned over a page when Alexis arrived. "Oh, that brings me back," she stated, as she kissed the top of Levi's head.

"What?" Rick asked, as he watched the toddler's arms shoot in the air, and Alexis immediately pulling him in her arms.

"You. Writing, here. Pen, paper and all. Back when it wasn't all computerized."

"I used to do this often?"

"All the time," she laughed, "You'd write while I worked, and then I'd join you. You'd continue to write, and I'd study, drinking our coffee."

He smiled, "Sounds nice."

"It was, though I used to think, it was just you keeping an eye on me when I had to cover the late shifts. Especially given the fact that you never wanted me to read anything you wrote. After that, I was pretty sure you were stalking the pretty brunette who came in every day for a Skinny Vanilla Latte."

He chuckled, and unknowingly, a question popped in his mind, "Alexis, why do you work here?" Because truly, even given his initial hunch, it made no sense that she would be working here of all places.

"Pay for school, help mom. What's up that question?"

"No, I mean, this one, this shop," he added.

"It's an easy subway route home; it's not far from school, and you forbade me from finding something that would keep me out late in our neighbourhood, so I got this job. Going on 7 years, now. It's not as bad as it seems. Wouldn't make a career out of it, but it's good. For now."

Lost in his thoughts, he stated, "I'd never really given any thoughts to my career, just seemed to fall into it. I had always thought I would be a writer."

"And you are, Rick. Got a publishing deal and everything."

"I know, here. I am. But should I be?"

"Of course you should!"

"Yup!" added Levi, excitedly.

Rick smiled at the boy, his son, as memories of his own father, flesh and blood and all that surfaced, "I saw _him_, 8 years ago. I _went_ to see him. Fresh out of college. I had plans. I had dreams. He crushed the life out of me. Convinced me I was talentless, that being a free spirit, an artist, like mom, I'd be scraping pennies for the rest of my life, that I'd never amount for anything. And I believed him."

"I know," she simply answered, bouncing Levi up and down on her knees.

"You do?"

"Yeah, you told me… about… yeah, 8 years ago."

"I did?"

"And I told you he could go fu-. Could go bleep himself. I told you that you shouldn't let him have that power over you, that you were destined for writing. And I like to think I managed to pull of you the edge."

"How do you know?"

"Because I see you, you're happy. And that's the secret to life, Rick, what everyone aspires to. Finding something they're passionate about. And for you, Rick, that's writing."

"But are you happy? Is mother?"

"Our happiness has nothing to do with it, Rick."

"But it has everything to do with it."

"We're happy Rick. Are you kidding me? Do you see mom? She sings; she dances. She's happy."

"That's because you don't know any better."

"You know you're being really condescending right about now, calling us stupid or something."

"I wasn't. I wasn't calling you stupid, or anything like that. You just don't know how much easier it could be for you, for mother, if I could help, if I could provide for you."

"And you know?" she asked, skeptical.

"Actually, I do. And it'd be much easier for the both of you."

Alexis tone skipped an octave or two as she answered, "And you think we want easy? You think it's your job to give it to us? What about Kate and the kids?" Her hand pointed to the toddler.

"I wouldn't have them," Rick stated, shrugging his shoulders.

"And why, not?"

"Just the way it happened. I worked, built a company, got rich. I fell into another life, got you guys everything you've ever wanted. But I didn't meet her, didn't meet Kate, and those kids," he looked at Levi, munching on pieces of the blueberry muffin, as Alexis gave them to him, "They never existed. You never had to work this crap job, and mom didn't have to temp as a secretary to make ends meet."

"Rick, you're not making any sense."

"But I am. Because that's how it could have happened."

"If I didn't work minimum wage, hadn't worked in this exact Starbucks and you hadn't been there, working on your book, you wouldn't have met Kate. You wouldn't have your kids. And what would you have then?"

"Money."

"Money? Who cares about money?"

"Apparently not you."

"You want to know what's the only thing important?"

"What?"

"People."

"People?"

"People are important. You, mom, Kate, those kids. That's what's important. People. Without them you'd be sad. Because I know you'd give your life for these kids, give it three times over for Kate. So any life, any life without them, isn't worth all the money you could have."

He shook his head, looking away at a distance, as his eyes started to water despite him. Still looking away, he added, "My whole life I've been trying to prove to him that I'm better than the piece of garbage he treated me like. Wanted to take care of mom, of you, like he never could, because that's what he left us with, nothing. When things got hard what did he do? He left, like the coward he was. I thought money was the way I could take care of you guys. And with money, I'd be respectable and then maybe he'd respect me. And I was stuck in that mind-set for 20 years, stuck in time. Stuck in that hurt 11 year old, that only wanted his approval. I was so stuck on the idea of success that I forgot to look around me, forgot to love, to care. And somehow somewhere, without being there, the idea of him became more important than the rest, more important than myself."

"Daddy?" tried Levi, his eyes wide.

Alexis stood up, Levi in her arms and whispered to the boy, "Give daddy some love, buddy" as she placed him in his father's arms. She hugged her brother, her arms around him, and her nephew, in a big, intimate ball of love, in the middle of the crowded coffee shop. She held on, as long as she felt her brother needed her too, before sitting back down and waiting.

The toddler hung around his father's neck, standing on his thighs, patting his head, "Daddy a goo boy, a goo boy. Okay, daddy? Okay?"

And Rick smiled kissing the boys cheek and hugged him tightly against his chest, their cheeks stuck together. When he let go of his grip on the toddler, Levi gave him a wet, sloppy kiss on the cheek.

"I needed that, Levi."

Alexis smiled at the scene, "And who says your book won't be a success? Maybe you'll become Richard Castle, millionaire mystery writer. But even if you are, it won't change the fact that our father is an a-hole."

"Kate pretty much said the same thing this morning. Well, minus the a-hole part. But I'm pretty sure it was implied."

"That's because she's a smart woman."

"Mommy's smart, huh?" Rick asked Levi, with brushing their noses together.

"Yup!" stated the boy, nodding proudly.

Rick directed his stare back to Alexis as he told her, "I _was_ a millionaire, a multi-millionaire, and I thought I was happy."

She quirked an eyebrow, as Levi hung to his father's neck, his head cradled in his shoulder.

He continued, "But I had no idea what happiness was. I keep making the mistake of thinking that he's family, but he's not, and he'll never be. I had money, but I wasn't rich. I wasn't rich."

Alexis smiled, "Rick, you know my most prized possession? The most valuable item I own?"

"What?" he asked, shaking his head.

"The first Christmas I remember was when I was four, it was almost a year after he left. I don't know if you remember, but I was obsessed with "The Polar Express.""

He chuckled, "How could I not? The movie played in a loop for about a month."

"Do you remember what you found for me that year? I think it's probably worth about five, maybe ten bucks, tops, but I'd trade it for absolutely nothing in the world, because you gave it to me, you, my big brother. Even when you had nothing to give Rick, you gave me everything, and it was always enough, because you were there, and I knew you were, and that's all I ever wanted," Alexis explained as she rummaged through her bag.

Pulling the old bell out she said, "I always keep it with me. To remember to believe in the possibility of happiness, always. To remember it's the simple things that hold more value. And sometimes I ring it, when it gets hard, when I need the reminder."

As his sister shook the bell he recognised from his childhood, the familiar sound echoing, he turned around to see Kate and the girls, _his_ girls walking in, smiling. He saw their features change, brighter, as they started running towards him.

But slowly they disappeared before his eyes, the décor transforming around him, the pressure of his son's head on his shoulder dissipating, until the once sounds of a bell, transformed into his cellphone's ringtone.

And he found himself back in his office.

* * *

**Any thoughts? I hope you don't hate me too much, but it had to be done, maybe I'd hate me too.**

**I want to thank, CaskettFan5, for being my fantastic beta. If there are still some typos, it's because I reworked the chapter a bit, and was too lazy to send it back to him.**


	16. Chapter 16

December 24th.

It was December 24th.

_Again._

His surroundings didn't have time to set in, didn't need time to register in his mind. Instantly, Rick jolted up, his chair noisily protesting under his sudden movements. Standing, he froze in place, his mouth slightly ajar as punctuated breaths escaped him. His legs remained uncertain, shaky, under his weight. He leaned, with one hand pressed against his desk as the other ran, trembling, through his hair.

It couldn't be.

Biting at the interior of his cheeks, his chest inflated and deflated in loud jerks of air. He looked around, turned around himself, back and forth, as if searching for something, hoping for something, for anything.

Because he couldn't be… They couldn't be…

His hands found their way to his face, and he shook his head. Rick breathed in. He breathed out, trying to overcome the feeling of emptiness overpowering him, trying to overcome the feeling of loss, the clench of his heart, like something, everything had been suddenly, cruelly, yanked away from him. He had nothing, nothing in this life, no one.

He was alone at the office; he was working on Christmas Eve. And for what? For whom? Certainly not for the people whom he had put it all on, for all these years. Certainly not for his mother and his sister. And certainly not for himself.

His was still shaking, trying to figure out how to make use of his now numb fingers, his heart aching for something more than this, when the sounds coming from his phone finally registered and Rick finally found it in himself to answer his miraculously still ringing phone. His voice in uneven sprouts, he answered, "He-y, mother."

"Richard! Merry Christmas!" the woman on the other end of the line exclaimed.

He sat, his butt leaning over the edge of the desk, and breathed in before being able to formulate, "Merry Christmas to you too, mother."

Detecting a pinch of sadness, of sorrow, unexpected, in her son's usually confident, maybe even condescending voice, she asked, concerned, "Richard, darling, are you alright?"

It was a dream, only a dream.

But it felt so real, just so real. Like he could have stayed there forever and all he wanted, in this moment, was to fall back asleep, for a chance to see them again, to feel Kate's lips on his, Juliette's hand pressed in his or Levi's nose poking in his shoulder. What he wouldn't give for the sound of Gracie's laugh, for a cry, a scream, a tantrum. What he wouldn't give to be back there, with them.

"Richard?" she asked again.

"I…I was… It's..."

Because even if he gave everything away, gave everything he owned, it wouldn't change the fact that none of it was real, and he was alone, alone on Christmas Eve.

Martha said nothing. The usually exuberant, energetic woman said nothing, as she listened to her son's breathing, waited for him to be able to formulate his thoughts, waited for him to be ready to talk.

"I messed up, mother. My life. This life. And I lost them. And now it's like… like I'm empty and nothing'll be enough. I know I never really had them. But it felt real. It felt so real."

"I'm sorry, darling, but I don't think I understand. Did you have a deal fall through? Is that it?" tried Martha.

"No that's not it. For the first time in a long time, a very long time, it has nothing to do with work. Or maybe it has everything to do with work. I… I don't think I understand it either, not completely, but I'll be fine, mother. I think."

"You most certainly are not, _fine_, Richard."

A faint smile decorated his tense features, because he'd lost them, lost Kate and their kids, but he wasn't alone in this life. Or he didn't have to be, not anymore. He still had them, the family, he, for so long, had taken for granted. It was his chance to be there for them, to watch his mother sing, happy as she glided light on her feet, from room to room. It was his chance to hug his sister, hold on tightly as he told them he loved them, because he did, more than he'd ever realised.

"I will be," Rick mumbled into the phone, more for himself than his mother, and maybe he could.

"Why don't you come over? It's Christmas. Party's still _young and hip_; you could use people around you."

"Because that's what's important. People," he simply added.

"Exactly!" the red-head exclaimed.

"I'll be right over, mother. Keep me some of that famous punch, will you?"

"You will?" she asked, shocked, but relieved.

He chuckled, "I'll be there." He added, serious, "And mother, tell Alexis, that I missed her, that her big brother is there for her. Always."

"Richard?" inquired a concerned mother.

"I love you guys," he added as he hung up, quickly grabbing his coat from the back of his door, and heading out.

He'd seen enough of this office.

* * *

As he walked out of the building, set foot on the sidewalk, surely enough, snow had started falling, leaving a thin white layer in its wake. The white mush he had come to despise, had reacquired its enchanting properties and he stopped in his tracks, looking up at the falling flakes, beautiful in the night sky. Rick closed his eyes, and opened his mouth as he twirled catching the cool flakes on his tongue thinking, in Gracie's sweet, enthusiastic voice, "I love the snow."

The sound that had begun this ordeal resonated through his ears, and he opened his eyes, looking to his side. Further on the sidewalk he spotted a man, the man, in the Santa suit, just were he'd seen him for the first time, as he continued to ring his bell like nothing had happened.

Like he hadn't made it all up.

Like it hadn't been a dream.

The short race to him had Rick panting when he reached the man, who smiled, obviously recognising him, "Mr. Castle, still think you have everything you could possibly want?"

"Look, I know, okay? I get it now. I didn't. I don't. But was it real? Was any of it real?"

The man shook his head, apologetically, "Mr. Castle, this isn't how it works. There are no do-overs in life. They aren't real. Maybe, in a parallel universe, an alternate reality, somewhere, but they aren't real, not here."

The weight of the man's world hit him like the ton of brick they were. "But it felt so real. Why did it have to feel so real?" he mumbled, crushed. "I had these kids. I had this life, this wife," Rick pleaded and he couldn't fully determine whether the tears tumbling down his cheek were fueled by anger or by sadness, but he couldn't control them, couldn't control the emotions pouring out of him. His words escalated to shouts, shouts to the sky, to the world, to this empty world, "It felt like months, months I was with them. And now, nothing. How cruel is that?"

Rick jumped back when a woman emerged from the darkness behind him a soft hand on his shoulder pulling him back from his outburst, back to where he was, as she explained, "Cruel, Rick, would have been not showing you what you could have if you gave yourself the chance. What could be yours when you realise what's important, who's important. Cruel would have been depriving you of this life, because there's still time for it."

A hand on his chest, controlling his staggered breathing, left from the initial shock, the other wiping away the remains of his outburst from his cheeks, Rick looked straight at the woman who had just appeared, and he asked skeptical, "And who are you?"

He watched the man and the woman share a look, and eyed them curiously, feeling like he was missing something, before she answered simply, "A friend. Just someone looking out for the people I love."

He leaned his back on the brick wall behind him, nodding. Nothing seemed to make sense anymore, but he nodded nonetheless, because nothing they could say could make it make sense. He confided, helplessly, "I fell in love with them, and now they're gone. And I'm supposed to act as if nothing happened?"

"You aren't," she said, shaking her head a comforting smile harboring her lips. "You aren't," she added with confidence.

"I loved her," he felt the need to add.

The woman gave him an understanding smile as she stated, "I know you did. So do I. That's why it had to feel so real, Rick." Then, mostly for herself, the woman added in a whisper, "For the both of you."

She smiled and breathed in, her eyes glistening as she looked in the distance, pointing to a brunette exiting the coffee shop. "You can't change your past, but you can change your future, her future," she stated, giving him a nod, giving him permission, her blessing, to go after the woman who'd buried herself in the job, in a case, her case, and he nodded.

"Kate!" he yelled, making the younger woman stop her movements and turn around towards him, the coffee cup frozen at her lips.

He raced towards her and as the distance between them shortened, she furrowed her brow, "Do we know each other?" she asked.

"Yes. No. Well… Not exactly," he panted, his hands rested on his thighs. He looked back, only to find the street empty, neither the woman nor the man standing where he'd left them, only seconds ago.

His stare went back to the woman, to Kate, because she was real, she was there, in front of him eying him curiously. When no words seemed to find their way to his lips, she turned around, to walk away, and instinctively he grabbed her arm, "Wait, Kate."

The severity of the look she shot him as she turned back towards him made him instantly loose his grip on her bicep, she stated, "I'll have you know, sir, that I carry a gun. And I'm a very god shot."

"Sorry," he mumbled, before his nervousness evolved into a light chuckle.

"Is there something funny?" she asked, arching an eyebrow, annoyed.

"You're different, but so am I, so, I guess that's fair," he said as he extended his arm, for them to start over, or to start all together, because this Kate, she wasn't exactly the Kate he'd known, not yet at least. He could see it in the crease of her forehead, in the severe, hard, look she gave him, that this life, here, wasn't the same for either of them. Introducing himself, he said, "I'm Castle, Richard Castle. I work in the building over there. I'm a publisher. _For now_."

His hand remained there, waiting, midway between them, and he added, laughing, hoping it would be contagious, "Come on, humour me, the crazy man that chased you down the street."

She shook her head, a small smile creeping, and he had the feeling that maybe it could be, that maybe they could be, "Fine," she stated, grabbing his hand. "But I'm not telling you anything about me, you could be a creep for all I know."

He smiled, "But you know I'm not."

She did. She didn't know how, she didn't know why, but she did. Something told her he wasn't. Something told her she should stay.

She smiled, adding jokingly, "In this $10,000 coat, let's just say at least you're a rich creep."

"Ahhhhh. Always the detective."

"You sure you aren't a stalker?" Kate asked, with a quirk of her eyebrow.

He shrugged his shoulders, smiling, "Pretty sure."

She shook her head, containing the smile with a bite at her lower lip as she slowly started walking.

"Mind if I walk with you for a bit?" he asked, at her side, "I think I might need some protecting in that $10,000 coat as you pointed out. And since you have a gun and all, I think I should stick with you."

"Don't you, like, have somewhere to be? Or is this your thing? Picking up random women on the streets in the middle of the night," she asked, stopping and choosing to cross her arms over her chest. She knew him, or at least people like him.

"I wouldn't say a thing, _per se_," he tried.

"You're really something else, aren't you?" she smiled, rolling her eyes at him,

He smiled, as she relaxed, "But actually, I do have somewhere to be. My mother's throwing one of her famous soirees. They're these huge, flashy events." He paused a second before adding, "I think she keeps increasing the size of those parties to mask the fact that I'm not around." He shook his head, adding for himself, "I can't believe I'm just realising this…."

Kate only nodded in response.

He asked, "How about you? Meeting up with the boyfriend?"

She let out a chuckle, her arms loosening around her chest, "Very smooth, Mr. Castle. Very smooth."

"I know, right?"

She smiled, a real genuine, unrestrained, smile this time, the one he'd gotten accustomed to, the one he'd fallen for. And he knew he needed to fight for it, to fight for her, any version of her.

Always.

She stated, "I was heading back to the precinct, I work homicide. I'm going to work on the paperwork backlog. I'm on call tonight."

"And does on-call mean you have to be at the precinct?" he tried.

"Not exactly."

"Then come! No one should be by themselves on Christmas, let alone, at work. Believe me, I made that mistake way too many times before."

"So I can be another one of your conquests? I read your bio in Forbes Magazine a while back." The bio of the man he was, the persona he used to show the world, what felt like a lifetime ago.

"You read Forbes Magazine?" he asked, genuinely surprised, and a little impressed.

"I might have perused my dad's copy," Kate simply answered.

Not that he'd ever suspected otherwise, but the woman really was something else.

"You really think, I'd bring them over to my mother, introduce them to my little sister?"

"And how should I know? I know nothing about you, really, except the publicised millionaire playboy act."

"I don't. God, Kate I'd never. You'd never," he added honestly. "It isn't who I am. Isn't who I am anymore, isn't who I ever want to be, ever again."

They both looked at each other, none of them speaking or moving before Kate broke the silence, "You're really serious about this invite. You're not leaving until I give you an answer now. Are you?"

His features lit up, excited, "Of course I'm serious! So, what do you say? You won't regret it."

"You're pretty confident, huh?" she laughed.

He shrugged his shoulders and smiled.

"I'll tell you what, _Rick_. Give me the address, and I'll think about it, okay?"

"Fair enough. Fair enough," he said.

* * *

She watched them, from afar, just as she'd watched them meet in the coffee shop, just as she'd watched them tumble on top of each other in the skating rink, or wrestle over the freshly fallen snow in Central Park. She watched, as she had watched them stroll down Broadway, hand in hand, light, smiling, surrounding by kids, their kids, the kids they could have if they simply realised what was important in this life.

Johanna watched her daughter, from afar, as she walked away from Rick, who stood, hands buried in his jacket pockets, watching her leave. Johanna watched as her daughter rolled her eyes, biting at her lower lip. She watched as she battled with the idea of giving life a chance, of trusting the gut feeling she had no problem trusting when it came to murderers.

Johanna saw Kate turn straight towards her, and smile, nodding as she seemed to make her choice. She watched as her daughter turned in Rick's direction and called something out. She watched as his features lit up, and he ran towards her.

Finally, Johanna watched, from afar, the two continue their stroll, side by side, as her daughter's laughter echoed back to her.

And she smiled because somehow, she knew that they would have it.

A wonderful life.

* * *

**Here you go guys. Hope you enjoyed this. Thank you for sticking with me, and for making my inbox explode last chapter.**

**I love you all! :)**

**Once again thanks to CaskettFan5 for his help and for somewhat assuring me I wouldn't get virtually beheaded for this ending, though pressing publish still makes me a tad nervous! ;)**


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